“Syphilis Parade Sweeps Columbus, Ohio, Because Who Needs Monogamy Anyway?”
Opinion: Syphilis Strikes Back, Because Why Not?
Well, well, well, look who’s back in the spotlight! It’s our old friend syphilis, making a grand entrance in Columbus, Ohio. Apparently, this sexually transmitted disease has decided to stage a comeback, just like every other terrible thing in 2022. It’s like the world is saying, “Hey, you thought COVID was bad? Hold my beer!”
Central Ohio health officials are warning of an increase in syphilis cases, because apparently, people just can’t resist the allure of a good old-fashioned infection these days. It’s like they’re playing a twisted game of Russian roulette with their genitals, thinking, “Eh, what’s the worst that could happen? Syphilis? Bring it on!”
Of course, Columbus Public Health is doing its best to raise awareness about this outbreak. They’re encouraging “at-risk” individuals to get tested and treated if necessary. Oh, thank you, Columbus Public Health! I’m sure the people who are willingly engaging in risky sexual behavior will rush to their nearest clinic to get a check-up. Because nothing says “I care about my health” like a night of unprotected passion with a stranger.
And let’s not forget the cherry on top of this syphilis sundae. According to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report, the rate of infectious syphilis cases rose 9% nationwide in 2022. Bravo, America! We’re really setting the bar high for ourselves. First, we conquer COVID, and now we’re taking on syphilis. What’s next? A comeback of the Black Death? I wouldn’t be surprised at this point.
So, folks, strap yourselves in for the ride of a lifetime. Syphilis is back, and it’s ready to party. It’s like a boomerang that just keeps coming back, no matter how hard we try to throw it away. Maybe it’s time we take a long, hard look at ourselves and ask, “What the hell are we doing?” Because if we can’t even protect ourselves from a centuries-old disease, then maybe we deserve whatever comes our way.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of TSN/Headline News or its affiliates. But seriously, syphilis? Come on, people. Get it together.