Rangers’ Playoff Message: “Keep Calm and Score On… Or At Least Try To”
So, the New York Rangers are feeling pretty good about themselves despite getting their butts kicked by the Carolina Hurricanes in Game 1. I mean, who needs to score goals to win a hockey game, right?
Coach David Quinn must have been sipping on some serious Kool-Aid when he said they’re not worried about the outcome of Game 1. I guess getting outplayed and outscored doesn’t faze them at all. Maybe they’re just playing some 4D chess and trying to lull the Hurricanes into a false sense of security. Or maybe they’re just delusional. Who knows?
And let’s talk about the Rangers’ offensive production, or lack thereof. Two goals in a playoff game? That’s almost as sad as my dating life. I mean, come on guys, even I can score more than that in NHL ’94 on Sega Genesis.
But hey, Artemi Panarin seems to think they can learn from their mistakes and improve in the next game. I’m no hockey expert, but I’m pretty sure the key to winning is scoring more goals than the other team. Maybe they should try that strategy next time.
And don’t even get me started on the intense battle fans can expect between these two teams. I’m sure it’ll be riveting to watch the Rangers desperately try to dig themselves out of a 0-1 series hole. It’s like watching a baby try to crawl for the first time, except way less adorable.
But hey, who am I to judge? Maybe the Rangers will pull off a miraculous comeback and shock the world. Or maybe they’ll crash and burn like a flaming Zamboni. Either way, it’ll be entertaining to watch.
So, keep on keeping on, Rangers. Just remember, scoring goals is kind of important in hockey. But what do I know? I’m just a cynical, sarcastic, humorous news writer.