Greetings, fellow beings of the universe! It is I, Zog, your friendly alien journalist reporting from the wacky planet Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of a German farright leader who got himself into quite the pickle by uttering a banned Nazi slogan. Oh, the joys of human folly never cease to amaze me!…
So, the Philadelphia Eagles have decided to sign Shon Stephens, an undrafted rookie cornerback who was basically plucked out of obscurity. I mean, the guy was a tryout player at rookie camp, for crying out loud. Talk about a Cinderella story in the making. Standing at a whopping 5 foot 9 and weighing in at…
Read More “Eagles sign rookie corner from small school; fans hopeful, opponents skeptical.” »
So, apparently the Mauna Loa observatory in Hawaii has been playing a little game of “how high can you go” with carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere. And guess what? They just hit the jackpot with the biggest annual increase on record. Congratulations, Mauna Loa, you win the prize for contributing to the impending doom…
Read More ““Earth’s CO2 levels skyrocket – Brace yourselves for the climate change chaos!”” »
So, it turns out that going barefoot on the beach isn’t just a recipe for sandy toes and a potential sunburn. No, no, no. According to recent reports, one unfortunate man ended up contracting flesh-eating bacteria while strolling along the shore. I mean, talk about a bad day at the beach, am I right? This…
Read More ““Beware: Beach Bacteria Bonanza! Flesh-Eating Fun for the Whole Family!”” »
So, here we go again with another corrupt politician getting their day in court. Senator Bob Menendez, a Democrat from New Jersey, is facing bribery and conspiracy charges for allegedly accepting gifts and campaign contributions in exchange for political favors. And let’s be real, if he’s found guilty, he could be spending the next 20…
Read More ““Menendez Trial: Where Political Favors Are Bought with Gold and Cash…Literally”” »
Well, well, well, it looks like former Sony head turned producer Doug Belgrad is making a big splash in the entertainment industry once again. This time, he’s joining the ranks of Netflix as the Vice President of Film. Talk about moving up in the world! With his extensive experience in the industry, Belgrad is sure…
Read More “Netflix hires former Sony head Doug Belgrad, promises more exciting films ahead.” »
Greetings, Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood Alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to provide you with a fresh perspective on the ongoing conflict in Ukraine. Strap in, because things are about to get a little… out of this world. So, let me get this straight – Russia decides to launch a…
Read More ““Russia boldly reclaims ‘uninhabited’ land in north-eastern Ukraine, because why not?”” »
So, it looks like Elon Musk’s Neuralink company has managed to stick some electrodes into some poor guy’s brain and turn him into a real-life cyborg gamer. Move over, Robocop, we’ve got a new player in town! This anonymous patient, who probably signed up for a simple brain surgery and ended up with a high-tech…
So, it turns out that Rashee Rice, the star wide receiver from SMU, may have a few skeletons in his closet that could put a damper on his NFL dreams. Multiple teams, if not all teams, were apparently aware of some shady incident involving Rice before the draft. And let’s face it, when even anonymous…
Read More ““Rashee Rice: From NFL Draft Pick to Draft Dodger? The Saga Continues…”” »
So, apparently, scientists have been getting their hands dirty digging into the geologic record to uncover the ancient secrets of wildfires. Yes, you heard that right – they’re literally sifting through dirt to figure out how these fiery disasters have been shaping and being shaped by climate change for centuries. The oldest evidence of wildfire…
Read More ““From Black Lint to Burning Questions: Unearthing the Fiery History of Climate Change”” »
So, it seems Bronx mom Amanda Perez has quite the story to tell. She safely gave birth to two babies with the help of an innovative cardiovascular health program. Now, she’s just hoping for a little shut-eye on Mother’s Day, but with two boys under 2, she might as well kiss that dream goodbye. Perez’s…
Read More ““Preeclampsia: The Pregnancy Plot Twist No Mom Wants to Experience”” »
So, it looks like the Keystone State has finally kicked one of its own to the curb. The Pennsylvania State Police have bid farewell to the trooper who thought it was a great idea to flex his muscles and arrest two LGBTQ officials on the side of I76. In a move that surprised absolutely no…
So, Chris Pine is out here singing the praises of the happiest actor he’s ever met. I mean, I guess that’s nice and all, but let’s be real here – who really cares? In a world where we’re bombarded with bad news and negativity, do we really need to know who the happiest actor in…
Ah, greetings Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood Alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to shed some light on the latest antics of your Earthly leaders. Let’s dive right in, shall we? So, apparently, President Biden has threatened to withhold US military aid to Israel because, surprise surprise, American bombs have been…
So, Apple thinks it’s hot stuff with its own high-end Apple silicon chips, huh? Well, well, well, look at them trying to flex their tech muscles by powering data centers for their upcoming iOS 18 AI features. I guess they got tired of relying on other companies for their hardware and decided to take matters…
Read More ““Apple’s AI Takeover: Bloomberg Surrenders Data Centers to Silicon Overlords”” »
So, it seems like Lions rookie cornerback Terrion Arnold has been stirring up some drama in the football world. In a shocking turn of events, Arnold claimed that the Raiders coach called him up and said they chose tight end Brock Bowers over him in a coin flip. A coin flip? Really? Is that how…
Read More ““Raiders Coach Uses Coin Flip to Decide Between Tight End and Rookie Cornerback”” »
Ah, SpaceX, the brainchild of everyone’s favorite eccentric billionaire, Elon Musk. The company has been making waves in the aerospace industry with their Starship program, promising to take us to Mars and beyond. But let’s be real, folks, we’re still waiting for that promised trip to Mars that Musk keeps talking about. Maybe he’s just…
Read More “SpaceX’s Starship test: Firing all engines, aiming for Mars or bust!” »
So, it turns out that farmworkers have been unwittingly playing a dangerous game of Russian roulette with their morning milk. That’s right, folks, the bird flu virus has been making a surprise appearance in dairy farms, infecting the very substance that millions of people pour over their cereal every day. But fear not, because apparently,…
Read More ““Exposed: Dairy workers at risk of bird flu due to lack of monitoring”” »
So, apparently, murdering your own 5-year-old daughter is frowned upon in society. Who knew? Adam Montgomery, the man who thought it was a good idea to take his daughter’s life, is being sentenced today. And let me tell you, the tension in the courtroom is so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Or,…
Read More ““Life without parole for man who couldn’t even handle a 5-year-old daughter”” »
Alright, folks, hold onto your hats because the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art has really outdone themselves this time. Their latest exhibition, Sleeping Beauty in the Chemistry Lab, is like nothing you’ve ever seen before. Picture this: fragile dresses inside airtight vitrines, overcoats growing grass, patnsniff walls, and even a hologram. Yes,…
So, apparently, Eastern Randolph High School is now the hot spot for tuberculosis. Move over prom drama, there’s a new infectious disease in town! In a shocking turn of events, a positive case of TB has been identified at the school, causing panic among students, staff, and parents alike. Now, before you start wrapping your…
Read More “Tuberculosis Hits High School: Infectious Drama Unfolds Among Students and Staff” »
So, apparently, the Astroworld lawsuits are getting settled faster than the line at the bar during a music festival. Nine out of ten wrongful death suits have already been resolved, leaving just one unlucky lawsuit hanging in the balance. It’s like a game of musical chairs, but instead of losing a seat, you lose a…
Read More “Astroworld Settlements: Music to Lawyers’ Ears, But What About the Tenth Suit?” »
Greetings, Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to bring you the latest scoop on the intergalactic drama unfolding between the United States and Israel. Strap in, because things are about to get wild! So, Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin has confirmed that the US decided to hit…
Tango Gameworks pitches HiFi Rush sequel before abrupt closure: Fans left in shock. So, apparently Arkane Austin and Tango Gameworks were both in the middle of pitching new games, including a sequel to HiFi Rush, before they got the old axe from ZeniMax and Xbox. Talk about a buzzkill, am I right? I mean, Tango…
Read More “Tango Gameworks pitches HiFi Rush sequel before abrupt closure: Fans left in shock.” »
BYU snags Utah transfer Keita: Can he survive the wild Cougar den? So, BYU has snagged itself a new player from Utah, Keba Keita, who decided to jump ship and join the Cougars. I mean, can you blame the guy? Who wouldn’t want to trade in the Utes for a chance to play for a…
Read More “BYU snags Utah transfer Keita: Can he survive the wild Cougar den?” »
