So, here we have yet another cancer story. But hey, this one comes with a twist! Instead of wallowing in self-pity and despair, this woman has decided to throw caution to the wind and share her journey with the world. And why not? I mean, who doesn’t love a good cancer story, right? In a…
Oh, look at that, folks! The weather forecast for the DC area is looking about as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake. Storms are set to hit the region from noon to 9 pm on Monday, bringing with them the delightful possibility of wind damage, large hail, a couple of tornadoes, and flooding…
Read More ““Prime Minister Warns of Storms: Get Ready for Mother Nature’s Mood Swings!”” »
So, it looks like the Catalytic Converter Thief Brigade in downtown Los Angeles decided to take their criminal activities to a whole new level by not only stealing precious car parts but also taking a human life in the process. Bravo, guys, you really outdid yourselves this time. And who was the unfortunate victim of…
Read More “Soap opera star turned catalytic converter thief meets tragic end in LA shootout.” »
Greetings, fellow beings of Earth! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood Alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to bring you the latest scoop on the absurdity that is your planet. Today, we delve into the wacky world of international diplomacy, where Russian Ambassador Anatoly Antonov has graciously enlightened us on the oh-so-close-to-achieving-peace situation…
Read More “‘Putin’s Peace Mission: Sending Troops to Ukraine for a Friendly Tea Party’” »
So, it turns out that the RPG that inspired all your favorite games like Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest, and Demons Souls is getting a shiny new remaster. That’s right, folks, Wizardry Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord is back and better than ever, ready to suck you into its world of monsters, dungeons, and probably…
So, the 2024 NBA Draft is apparently lacking a Victor Wembanyama, which has caused quite the uproar among basketball fans. I mean, how dare they not have the next big thing lined up for everyone to drool over? The nerve! But fear not, dear readers, for all hope is not lost. Despite the lack of…
Read More “Knicks Sign Sarr: Is This the Move That Will Finally End Their Curse?” »
So, it seems like South Carolina is having a bit of a monkey business situation on their hands. Forget about fugitive prisoners or stolen vehicles, the real issue at hand is a rogue primate causing chaos in a quiet residential neighborhood. This small monkey has been living its best life, running wild through the streets…
Read More ““Monkey Business: South Carolina on High Alert for Escaped Primate”” »
So, let’s talk about the sun. You know, that big ball of fire in the sky that we all rely on for light, warmth, and the occasional sunburn. Scientists have apparently been busy studying the sun’s magnetic field, and surprise, surprise, they’ve made a breakthrough! According to a study published in Science (because who needs…
Read More ““Suns Magnetic Field Revealed: Are Solar Flares Just the Sun’s Way of Flirting?”” »
So, here we are, folks. Another Memorial Day weekend in the books, and what a doozy it was. The box office meltdown continues as moviegoers were faced with the tough decision of whether to watch George Miller’s Furiosa or the Garfield Movie. Talk about a lose-lose situation. It’s like choosing between getting a root canal…
Read More “Memorial Day Madness: 415 Dead, 47,500 Injured – Drive Safely, People!” »
Greetings, fellow Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to shed some light on the latest antics of your beloved Russian President, Vladimir Putin. So, it seems like ol’ Vlad is willing to put an end to the war in Ukraine, but only if he gets to…
Read More “‘Putin generously offers to end war if he can keep stolen land’” »
So, apparently, Gamer Night is the new self-care trend that’s sweeping the nation. Move over meditation and yoga, because apparently, the key to improving your mental wellbeing is to gather with your buddies and smash buttons on a controller for hours on end. Whether you’re into Destiny 2, Overwatch, Elden Ring, or just watching someone…
Read More ““Gamer Night: Because who needs real friends when you have virtual ones?”” »
So, the Denver Broncos are playing musical chairs with their quarterbacks, huh? I guess they couldn’t decide on just one guy to run the offense, so they’re trying out three different options. Talk about indecisive. Maybe they should just draw straws or flip a coin at this point. Jarrett Stidham over in New England seems…
Read More “Patriots’ Stidham: Ready to Fight for QB Spot, Newton be Damned!” »
So, apparently, two teams of scientists have stumbled upon a planet that’s supposed to be habitable. They’re calling it Gliese 12b, because apparently naming it something like “Bob” or “Sandra” would be too simple. This planet is smaller than Earth but bigger than Venus, which basically means it’s like the Goldilocks of planets – not…
So, apparently, the beaches in California are now more dangerous than a minefield in a war zone. A mother has been slapped with an 88000 fine because her kids mistook clams for seashells. Yes, you heard that right. Clams. Those slimy little buggers that live in the sand and occasionally squirt water at you when…
Read More ““Clam-gate: Mother fined 88K for kids’ innocent beach blunder – Outrage ensues”” »
So, apparently magic mushrooms aren’t just for hippies and college students looking to “expand their minds” anymore. According to a recent study from the University of Zurich, psilocybin, the active compound in these funky fungi, can actually induce a state of hyperconnectivity in the brain. That’s right, folks – magic mushrooms are now being hailed…
Read More ““Magic Mushrooms Turn Your Brain into a Trippy Hyperconnected Wonderland”” »
Alright, alright, alright. Hold onto your hats, folks, because we’ve got some juicy celebrity gossip coming your way. It seems that the talented and always stylish Millie Bobby Brown has taken the plunge and tied the knot with her beau, Jake Bongiovi. Yes, you heard that right – the son of none other than Jon…
Greetings, fellow Duhians! It is I, Zog, your trusty alien journalist stranded on the bizarre planet Earth. Today, I bring you a juicy report that will make your antennae twitch with amusement and disbelief. Imagine a scene straight out of a sci-fi movie: a man named Javier Milei, who seems to have mistaken himself for…
So, Daylight Computer thinks they’ve hit the jackpot with their new invention, the Daylight DC1 tablet. Apparently, this thing is supposed to reset our relationship with tech. Yeah, because that’s what we all need, a tablet to save us from ourselves. According to Daylight Computer, the DC1 features a revolutionary display called LivePaper. LivePaper, huh?…
Read More “Daylight DC1 tablet: finally, a screen that won’t fry your brain.” »
Ah, the Strahan family drama continues! Michael Strahan’s daughter Isabella is battling brain cancer at just 16 years old, and to make matters worse, she’s now experiencing memory loss due to new medication. Talk about a double whammy! It’s heart-wrenching to hear about a young girl going through such a tough time, but leave it…
Read More ““Strahan’s daughter battles brain cancer, forgets her memory – blames new meds. Oops!”” »
Ah, the Philadelphia Eagles, always keeping us on our toes with their questionable decisions. In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the Eagles have signed veteran receiver John Ross to a one-year deal. This signing comes hot on the heels of DeVante Parker’s retirement, because apparently, the Eagles just can’t resist swapping out one…
Read More “Eagles Replace Retired Parker with Speedster Ross: Is This the Need for Speed?” »
So, it looks like the protesters at Drexel University have finally packed up their tents and cleared out without incident. I guess they finally realized that camping out on a college campus isn’t exactly the most effective way to make a statement. But fear not, my fellow cynics, a new encampment has popped up in…
Read More ““Protesters clear out of Drexel encampment, new one pops up in Clark Park”” »
So, it seems SpaceX has once again launched a bunch of satellites into space because apparently, the world just can’t get enough of Elon Musk and his Starlink project. I mean, who needs fresh air and nature when you can have high-speed internet beamed down to you from space, right? The Falcon 9 rocket took…
Read More ““SpaceX’s Starlink satellites: Bringing internet to Mars next?”” »
So, apparently, we’ve reached a point where not letting your kids indulge in sugary snacks before dinner makes you a monster parent. I mean, forget about teaching them healthy eating habits and promoting nutritious meals, right? Who needs that when you can just load them up on sugar and watch them bounce off the walls?…
So, apparently, more Americans are now choosing to puff on the devil’s lettuce rather than chug down the good ol’ liquid courage. In a shocking turn of events, a recent study has revealed that daily marijuana use in the United States has officially surpassed daily alcohol consumption. Looks like the stoners are winning this round,…
Read More “Marijuana Madness: Daily Use Surpasses Alcohol Consumption in the US” »
So, it turns out that stuffing your face with ultraprocessed junk food isn’t just bad for your waistline รข?? it’s also a one-way ticket to cognitive decline and stroke city. In a shocking twist that surprised absolutely no one, a new study has confirmed that chowing down on sugary, fatty, chemically-enhanced garbage can seriously mess…
Read More ““Processed foods: Making you dumber and deader. Surprise, surprise.”” »
