TSN/HeadlineNews

Blake Lively’s Foot-in-Mouth Moment: Gossip Girl Star’s Royal Blunder Sparks Outrage

March 23, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Blake Lively’s Foot-in-Mouth Moment: Gossip Girl Star’s Royal Blunder Sparks Outrage So, apparently former Gossip Girl star, Blake Lively, put her foot in her mouth and then had to issue a public apology for it. What did she do, you ask? Well, she made a tasteless joke about Kate Middleton going into hiding because of…

Entertainment News

‘Earthlings Celebrate Peace and Harmony by Killing Each Other at Moscow Concert Hall’

March 22, 2024March 29, 2024 Zog Wakk

‘Earthlings Celebrate Peace and Harmony by Killing Each Other at Moscow Concert Hall’ Greetings, fellow beings of the cosmos! It is I, Zog, your trusty Alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to report on the latest shenanigans of the Earthlings. And let me tell you, they never fail to disappoint in the absurdity department….

World News

NASA’s Astronaut Search: Are You Ready to Leave Earth Behind?

March 22, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

NASA’s Astronaut Search: Are You Ready to Leave Earth Behind? So, NASA is on the hunt for a new batch of space cowboys…I mean astronauts. And let me tell you, the requirements are no joke. You need a masters degree in a STEM field, at least two years of relevant experience, and the ability to…

Science News

“Final Fantasy 16 DLC ‘Rising Tide’ to Unravel Mystery and Drain Wallets”

March 22, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Final Fantasy 16 DLC ‘Rising Tide’ to Unravel Mystery and Drain Wallets” So, here we are again, folks. The final piece of content for Final Fantasy 16 is set to drop, and it’s got fans more excited than a chocobo in a field of gysahl greens. The Rising Tide DLC promises to unravel the mystery…

Technology News

“Texass defending champ Lydia Jacoby swims as 4th seed, will she sink or swim?”

March 22, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Texass defending champ Lydia Jacoby swims as 4th seed, will she sink or swim?” So, here we are on Day 3 of the 2024 WOMENS NCAA SWIMMING AND DIVING CHAMPIONSHIPS, where the competition is heating up faster than a Texas summer. Texass defending Champion in the 100 Breast, Lydia Jacoby, may be feeling the pressure…

Sports News

“Rose Hanbury thorns Stephen Colbert with legal notice over affair joke”

March 22, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Rose Hanbury thorns Stephen Colbert with legal notice over affair joke” So, apparently Lady Rose Hanbury is not just a pretty face with a fancy title, she’s also a fan of legal drama. The Marchioness of Cholmondeley has reportedly sent a legal notice to Stephen Colbert after he dared to crack a joke about her…

Entertainment News

Snowmageddon Saturday: Brace for Chaos, Slippery Roads, and Snowpocalypse in Northern New Hampshire

March 22, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Snowmageddon Saturday: Brace for Chaos, Slippery Roads, and Snowpocalypse in Northern New Hampshire So, Mother Nature is feeling a bit feisty this weekend, huh? It looks like she’s ready to unleash her winter fury on us poor unsuspecting souls. Get ready to break out the snow shovels and ice scrapers, because we’re in for a…

US News

McGregor Throws Gyllenhaal Over Bar: Hollywood Debut or Cage Match?

March 21, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

McGregor Throws Gyllenhaal Over Bar: Hollywood Debut or Cage Match? Well, well, well, it seems like Conor McGregor is trading in his UFC gloves for a spot in Hollywood. The Irish fighter recently made his film debut, and let me tell you, it was a knockout performance. McGregor revealed that he had the pleasure of…

Entertainment News

“Trump’s Legal Fees Before Party Needs! RNC’s New Priority Raises Eyebrows”

March 21, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Trump’s Legal Fees Before Party Needs! RNC’s New Priority Raises Eyebrows” So, it looks like the Republican National Committee has decided to play sugar daddy for none other than the one and only Donald J. Trump. That’s right, folks. The RNC has agreed to dip into their donation pot to cover the legal bills of…

US News

“New Superfood Sea Buckthorn Takes North America by Storm – Berry Good News!”

March 21, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“New Superfood Sea Buckthorn Takes North America by Storm – Berry Good News!” So, the latest craze in the world of dieting is a little berry called sea buckthorn. Who knew that a fruit from the cold regions of Canada, northern Europe, and Asia could be the next big thing in weight loss? Move over…

Health News

Supervolcano eruption sparked human migration out of Africa 74,000 years ago – CNN’s Wonder Theory

March 21, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Supervolcano eruption sparked human migration out of Africa 74,000 years ago – CNN’s Wonder Theory So, apparently, 74,000 years ago, Sumatra’s Mount Toba decided to throw a massive tantrum and spew out a supereruption that could be seen from space. Talk about making a statement. And now, thanks to some diligent archaeologists in Ethiopia, we’ve…

Science News

“Malik Nabers vs. Marvin Harrison Jr: Who Will Be Snatched First in Draft?”

March 21, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Malik Nabers vs. Marvin Harrison Jr: Who Will Be Snatched First in Draft?” So, it looks like Ohio State receiver Marvin Harrison Jr might not be the golden child everyone thought he was. According to some experts, there’s a new kid on the block who might just steal his thunder. And no, it’s not some…

Sports News

Elon Musk’s Neuralink Turns Paralyzed Man Into Mind-Controlled Video Game Prodigy

March 21, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Elon Musk’s Neuralink Turns Paralyzed Man Into Mind-Controlled Video Game Prodigy So, in case you missed it, Elon Musk’s brain-to-computer startup, Neuralink, has finally unveiled their first patient. And who is this lucky guinea pig, you ask? Well, none other than a 29-year-old quadriplegic named Noland Arbaugh. Yep, the man who can’t move his arms…

Technology News

‘Alien invaders or just a case of bad aim? Houthis strike Israel.’

March 21, 2024March 29, 2024 Zog Wakk

‘Alien invaders or just a case of bad aim? Houthis strike Israel.’ Greetings, fellow Duhians! It is I, Zog, your trusty Alien journalist stranded on the wacky planet known as Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of missiles, mayhem, and a whole lot of silliness. So, apparently, the Houthis from Yemen decided to spice…

World News

“Bianca Censori’s Silver Skirt and Bikini Combo: Fashion Forward or Just Plain Bizarre?”

March 20, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Bianca Censori’s Silver Skirt and Bikini Combo: Fashion Forward or Just Plain Bizarre?” So, here we go again. Kanye West’s wife, Bianca Censori, was spotted in yet another daring outfit in Hollywood. This time, she decided to grace the streets with a stunning silver mini skirt paired with a bikini top. Because, you know, why…

Entertainment News

“Jake Sullivan’s secret Ukraine trip: Saving the day or just adding to the drama?”

March 20, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Jake Sullivan’s secret Ukraine trip: Saving the day or just adding to the drama?” So, it seems like National Security Adviser Jake Sullivan decided to play secret agent and jet off to Ukraine for some high-level meetings. Maybe he’s trying to score some Ukrainian souvenirs for his collection, who knows. But hey, at least he’s…

US News

“Scientists Shock Women Everywhere with Menopause Prevention Drug Breakthrough”

March 20, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Scientists Shock Women Everywhere with Menopause Prevention Drug Breakthrough” So, apparently, scientists have decided that menopause is just too darn inconvenient for women. I mean, who wants to deal with hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings, am I right? Well, fear not, ladies, because a group of researchers in New York think they’ve cracked…

Health News

“Blinded by the Eclipse: How Staring at the Sun Shaped Ancient Societies”

March 20, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Blinded by the Eclipse: How Staring at the Sun Shaped Ancient Societies” So, apparently staring directly at a solar eclipse isn’t the best idea. Who would’ve thought, right? I mean, it’s not like the sun is a giant ball of fire or anything. But apparently, some ancient civilizations didn’t get the memo and ended up…

Science News

AmonRa St Brown’s Netflix doc: More drama than a Lions game.

March 20, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

AmonRa St Brown’s Netflix doc: More drama than a Lions game. Alright, folks, grab your popcorn and get ready for some prime entertainment coming your way! A Netflix documentary following NFL receiver AmonRa St Brown and a few of his buddies is set to hit our screens in the Summer of 2024. That’s right, get…

Sports News

Respawn’s “Security Updates” for Apex Legends: Because Hacks are Just a Fun Little Game!

March 20, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Respawn’s “Security Updates” for Apex Legends: Because Hacks are Just a Fun Little Game! So, in the latest episode of “Hackers Gone Wild,” Respawn Entertainment has announced that they will be rolling out a new suite of security updates for Apex Legends after a series of devastating hacks threw a wrench into the ALGS tournament….

Technology News

‘Intergalactic Mystery: South Korean tanker takes a detour to the ocean floor’

March 20, 2024March 29, 2024 Zog Wakk

‘Intergalactic Mystery: South Korean tanker takes a detour to the ocean floor’ Greetings, Earthlings! It is I, Zog, reporting from the chaotic mess that is your planet. Today’s episode of “Humans vs. Common Sense” features a South Korean tanker, the Keoyoung Sun, deciding to take a little swim off the coast of Japan. How delightful!…

World News

“Stardew Valley’s 16 Update: Now with Carrot-Hat-Wearing Broccoli Booksellers – Because Why Not?”

March 19, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Stardew Valley’s 16 Update: Now with Carrot-Hat-Wearing Broccoli Booksellers – Because Why Not?” So, here we are, folks. The moment we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived. No, I’m not talking about the unveiling of a new line of hats for pets (although that would be quite the sight to see). I’m referring to…

Technology News

“AmonRa St Brown’s Netflix doc: Lions receiver or reality TV sensation? Stay tuned!”

March 19, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“AmonRa St Brown’s Netflix doc: Lions receiver or reality TV sensation? Stay tuned!” So, it looks like Netflix is jumping on the sports documentary bandwagon once again, this time following the journey of NFL receiver AmonRa St Brown. Because, you know, we definitely need more content about professional athletes for us to binge-watch while we…

Sports News

“New star set to appear in Northern Crown constellation – astronomers predict stellar drama!”

March 19, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“New star set to appear in Northern Crown constellation – astronomers predict stellar drama!” So, apparently, astronomers are predicting that a new star is going to appear in the night sky sometime soon. And no, it’s not just a random star deciding to pop in for a visit. No, this star is going to be…

Science News

“Brain Circuit in Mice Makes Them Seek Food Like It’s Black Friday”

March 19, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Brain Circuit in Mice Makes Them Seek Food Like It’s Black Friday” So, apparently, researchers have discovered that mice have a brain circuit that makes them seek out food even when they’re not hungry. I mean, who would’ve thought that mice were just like us humans, constantly craving snacks even when we know we shouldn’t…

Health News