“Blind Ambition: Don’t Lose Your Vision to the Solar Eclipse Hype” So, apparently staring directly at the sun during the upcoming total solar eclipse could lead to permanent eye damage. Who would have thought, right? I mean, who needs eyesight anyway? It’s overrated. According to these brilliant scientists, looking at the sun without proper eye…
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“Oatzempic Trend on TikTok: Sowing Wild Oats or Just Sowing Confusion?” So, apparently, the latest craze on TikTok involves people chugging a concoction of oatmeal water and lime juice in a desperate attempt to shed some pounds. Yes, you heard that right. Forget about hitting the gym or eating a balanced diet – just mix…
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“Trump’s Trampoline Presidency: Mulvaney’s Bond Bounce Back Baffles Believers” So, apparently former White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney has compared Donald Trump to a trampoline. Yes, you heard that right – a trampoline. I guess that means Trump has a way of bouncing back from his legal troubles like a kid at a birthday…
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“Chicago Bears Choose Tradition Over Suburbs, Warren Answers Stadium Speculation with Blunt Truth” So, the Chicago Bears are apparently playing hard to get with potential suitors in Arlington Heights, as they continue to publicly stress their undying love for Chicago’s lakefront. It’s like a bad rom-com where they keep saying they’re committed to one person…
“City 20: Where Simulations Meet Chaos, Because Dominoes Are Still Just Dominoes” So, here we are, folks. Another day, another simulation game promising endless possibilities and butterfly effects. City 20 claims to combine the best of The Sims and STALKER, creating a postapocalyptic world where players can build their own city and face off against…
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“Kermitops gratus: The Original Hipster Frog or Just a Green Poser?” So, apparently scientists have discovered a new species of ancient amphibian that they have decided to name after our favorite felt-covered, banjo-playing, pig-wooing frog, Kermit. Yes, you heard that right. Kermit the Frog now has a distant cousin named Kermitops gratus. I can already…
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“Brainy Breakthrough: Protein MEIS2 Unlocks Secrets of Brain Development, Deciphering Decisionmaking!” So, apparently, researchers have stumbled upon the pivotal role of a protein called MEIS2 in brain development. Yes, you heard it right, MEIS2, not some fancy name like Bob or Susan. This protein, in collaboration with DLX5, is responsible for the differentiation of inhibitory…
“Trump’s Trampoline Troubles: Mulvaney Mocks Ex-Boss Amid Bond Reduction” So, it looks like former White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney has decided to throw some shade at his former boss, Donald Trump. Mulvaney, who served as acting chief of staff under Trump, recently referred to the ex-president as a “trampoline president.” Now, I don’t…
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Quiet on Set Bonus Episode Exposes Dark Side of Kids TV: Breaking the Silence! Listen up, folks! Quiet on Set is back with a vengeance, ready to spill all the juicy details from behind the scenes of the entertainment industry. And guess what? They’re dropping a bonus episode that’s sure to make your ears perk…
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“Explosive Chinese Takeout: Suicide Bomber Delivers Deadly Surprise in Pakistan” Greetings, fellow Duhians! It is I, Zog, your trusty Alien journalist reporting from the wacky world of Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of chaos and confusion that will surely leave you scratching your tentacles in disbelief. So, picture this: a group of Chinese…
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“Apple’s Vision Pro Originals: Jaw-Dropping or Jaw-Churning? The Future of Entertainment?” So, Apple has decided to dip its toes into the world of original content for its Vision Pro and let me tell you, it’s a real rollercoaster ride. The jaw-dropping experience provided by their first project has left viewers both amazed and slightly terrified,…
“Steelers Sign Kyle Allen: Is Ben Roethlisberger’s Time Up?” So, it looks like the Pittsburgh Steelers are playing quarterback musical chairs this offseason, adding Kyle Allen to their roster in a move that has left many scratching their heads. I mean, seriously, this guy has bounced around more than a beach ball at a Nickelback…
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“Ring of fire eclipse to grace New England – don’t burn your retinas!” So, apparently on April 8th, parts of northern New England will be in the path of totality for a solar eclipse. Yes, you heard that right – totality! While the Greater Boston area will only get a measly 93% eclipse. I mean,…
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“Trump’s Legal Team: Hopeful for Trial Delay, Judge Says ‘April Fools’” So, it looks like former President Donald Trump is finally going to have his day in court, and boy, is it going to be a doozy. The judge has set a trial date of April 15, much to the chagrin of Trump’s legal team…
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“Anne Hathaway credits Nolan for saving her career, internet trolls still lurking in shadows” Oh, Anne Hathaway, the ever-so-talented actress who seems to always be at the center of some online drama. From winning an Oscar for her role in Les Miserables to co-hosting the Oscars, she has certainly had her fair share of ups…
“6 Signs You’re a Bedroom Bust: Sex Therapist Reveals Why You Suck in Bed” So, you think you’re a master in the bedroom, huh? Well, sex and relationship psychotherapist Miranda Christophers is here to burst your bubble and expose the six signs that you absolutely suck in the sack. From a lack of confidence to…
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“First Lady of New Jersey Drops Senate Run, Leaving Democrats in a Lurch” So, Ms. Murphy, the First Lady of New Jersey, has decided to throw in the towel on her Senate race. I guess the struggle to gain support among the “rank-and-file voters” was just too much for her. Maybe next time she should…
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“Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden defy odds by attending party after welcoming son Cardinal” So, it seems Hollywood power couple Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden decided to grace us mere mortals with their presence after secretly welcoming their son, Cardinal. I mean, who knew they even had a kid? They’ve been so private about their…
“Microsoft’s DirectSR API: Making Low-End Graphics Great Again…Or Just Less Terrible?” So, apparently Microsoft decided to jump on the upscaling bandwagon with their new DirectSR API, which is basically a fancy way of saying they’re trying to make your crappy graphics look less crappy. And where did they get this brilliant idea from? None other…
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“Earthlings Play Prisoner Exchange Game, Aliens Await Absurd Response” Greetings, fellow Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood Alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to bring you the latest scoop on the shenanigans happening on this bizarre planet you call home. Today’s highlight? Israel and Hamas playing a twisted game of prisoner-hostage exchange,…
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“UVA gunning for fourpeat in NCAA Women’s Swimming – Texas left all wet” So, we’ve reached the end of the 2024 NCAA Women’s Swimming and Diving Championships, and it looks like UVA is on a mission to secure their fourth consecutive title. I mean, is anyone else even trying at this point? The competition was…
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“Russian Rocket’s Second Chance: Astronauts Blast Off to ISS After Drama-Filled Delay” So, it looks like the Russian Soyuz rocket decided to give it another go after its little temper tantrum the other day. I mean, who can blame it for wanting a do-over? We’ve all had those moments where we just need to take…
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“3 Body Problem VR: More magic than apps, making users wonder if it’s worth the hype” Alright, alright, alright! So, you thought the Apple Vision Pro was the bee’s knees, did ya? Well, hold onto your hats, folks, because the 3 Body Problem VR headset is here to blow your mind! Arthur C. Clarke once…
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Unvaccinated child in Nassau County contracts measles, officials fail to disclose crucial details So, it looks like Nassau County health officials have a case of the measles on their hands. And guess what? The child who caught it wasn’t vaccinated. Surprise, surprise. I mean, who needs vaccines anyway, right? It’s not like they prevent deadly…
Rankin County Mississippi: Torture Case Unveils Deep-rooted Racism, Betrayal, and Inequality in Community. So, in the latest episode of “What the Heck is Happening in Rankin County, Mississippi?” we have a case that sounds like something straight out of a horror movie. Picture this: six White law enforcement officers torturing a couple of Black men….
