“Cheers to Heart Disease: Why Women Should Think Twice Before Drinking” So, apparently drinking isn’t just a fun way to unwind after a long day or survive family gatherings, it’s also a one-way ticket to heart disease for women. Who knew that a glass of wine a day could keep the doctor away…and then bring…
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“Highway 1 Takes a Dive: Big Sur Landslide Leaves Commuters High and Dry” So, apparently Mother Nature decided to unleash her wrath on California over Easter weekend, causing a landslide that made a chunk of Highway 1 in Big Sur collapse into the ocean. I mean, talk about a dramatic entrance. Now, a 40-mile stretch…
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Homeless man auditions for new role as “Rock-throwing Villain” on Upper East Side. So, apparently, even Hollywood actors aren’t safe from the wrath of rock-wielding homeless men in New York City. Michael Stuhlbarg, known for his role in Boardwalk Empire, found himself on the receiving end of a random attack near Central Park. I guess…
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Capcom’s DLC Strategy: Tease, Release, Repeat – Akuma Arrives in Street Fighter 6 So, it looks like Capcom is at it again with their DLC releases for Street Fighter 6. It’s like a never-ending cycle of teaser trailers and fighting passes, with fans eagerly awaiting the next character drop like kids waiting for Christmas morning….
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“Governor Lee Blocks Police Reform Law: Lawmakers Craftier at Dodging Accountability Than Speeding Tickets” So, in a shocking turn of events, Tennessee Governor Bill Lee has decided to play the ultimate game of “hide and seek” with police reform laws. By signing a bill that blocks cities from enacting local police reforms, Governor Lee has…
Adele vs. Rebel Wilson: Hollywood’s Newest Feud Revealed in Jaw-Dropping Memoir Move over, Taylor vs. Kanye, there’s a new feud brewing in Hollywood รข?? Rebel Wilson vs. Adele. That’s right, folks, according to Wilson’s upcoming memoir, Adele allegedly hates her guts. And why, you may ask? Well, apparently it all comes down to people mistaking…
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Tennessee Governor Blocks Police Reform Law: Are Cops Above the Law? Well, well, well, look who’s trying to sweep police reform under the rug in Tennessee. Governor Bill Lee has decided to put a big ol’ roadblock in front of any local efforts to hold law enforcement accountable for their actions. Because, you know, who…
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‘Alien journalist baffled by Earthlings’ obsession with attacking concert halls.’ Well, well, well, it seems like the Earthlings are up to their usual shenanigans again. In a not-so-shocking turn of events, nine individuals from Tajikistan have been detained in connection with the recent attack on a concert hall in Moscow. Now, I must say, attacking…
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“Final Fantasy VII Rebirth’s Ending: More Disappointing Than Your Ex’s Rebirth” So, Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth has come and gone, leaving fans scratching their heads and wondering what the heck just happened. After months of hype and anticipation, it seems that Square Enix may have dropped the ball with the ending of the game. And…
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Xabi Alonso dodges Liverpool and Bayern Munich for Bayer Leverkusen: Data Analyst Turned Coach! Xabi Alonso, the man with more clubs in his career than Tiger Woods on a Saturday night, has decided to stick around at Bayer Leverkusen. He’s like that ex who just won’t leave you alone, except in this case, Leverkusen is…
Boeing and NASA’s Starliner test flight delayed again – space exploration or just space drama? So, surprise surprise, Boeing and NASA have once again pushed back the Starliner Crewed Flight Test, this time to May 1st, 2024. Because, you know, scheduling at the International Space Station is just so hard to coordinate. I mean, who…
“Bone Marrow Transplants: The New Highway for Alzheimers? Brace Yourselves, Donors!” So, apparently, Alzheimers disease is not just a brain thing anymore. According to a recent study, this pesky condition can now be spread through bone marrow transplants. Yes, you heard that right. Forget about genetics, forget about age, forget about lifestyle – now you…
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“Gov Bill Lee Stifles Police Reform, Keeps Tennessee in the Dark Ages” So, surprise surprise, Tennessee Governor Bill Lee has decided to throw a wrench in the gears of progress by signing a bill that blocks cities from enacting local police reforms. Because, you know, who needs accountability and oversight when it comes to law…
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“Diddy’s Drama: Sex, Drugs, and Violence – The Dark Side of the Music Industry” So, it looks like our boy Sean Diddy Combs, or Puff Daddy, or whatever he’s calling himself these days, is in some hot water. And not just any hot water, we’re talking a scalding hot tub of scandal here. According to…
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“Blizzard’s Diablo 4 Update: Necromancers Thrive, Barbarians Beware – Brace for Chaos!” So, buckle up, gamers, because Diablo 4 is about to get a facelift that even a necromancer would envy. With over 10000 words of patch notes, Blizzard is basically saying, “Hold onto your loot, folks, because things are about to get wild.” First…
Pope Francis shocks world by daring to treat women like equals. Greetings, fellow beings of Planet Duh! It is I, Zog, your trusty Alien journalist stranded on the wacky world known as Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of the 87-year-old Pope Francis and his daring escapades at a prison in Rome. Hold onto…
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Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth’s GBike Glitch: Making High Scores Disappear Faster Than Your Ex’s Texts So, it looks like the Ultimate Party Animals GBike score glitch in Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth is causing quite the stir among players. I mean, who wouldn’t be frustrated after putting in hours of effort only to have their score…
“NFL Auctioning Off Christmas Games: Who Will Win the Holiday Broadcasting Battle?” So, some kids would be happy with a Fraggle stick car for Christmas, while others are throwing tantrums because they didn’t get the whole dang factory. Talk about entitled. But hey, who needs gratitude when you can have it all, right? In other…
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“Zombie star explosion leaves cosmic mess – Daily Telescope uncovers stellar drama” So, apparently, incomplete explosions can leave behind a “zombie star.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds like something straight out of a B-movie horror flick. Picture it now: a star that refuses to die, lurking in the depths of space, ready…
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“Mpox Madness: US Cases Skyrocket, Vaccination Rates Plummet – Public Health Crisis Imminent” So, apparently Mpox cases in the United States are doubling like a bad sequel to a mediocre movie. I mean, come on, can we not catch a break here? It’s like we’re in the middle of a pandemic or something. Oh wait,…
Robotic dog saves the day, gets shot, still a better cop than most. So, picture this: a robotic dog named Roscoe, part of the Massachusetts state police bomb squad, waltzes into a house to locate a person and stumbles upon someone armed in the basement. I mean, talk about a plot twist! I bet even…
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50 Cent mocks sex trafficking rumors involving ex Daphne Joy: “Didn’t know you worked!” So, apparently, 50 Cent’s ex-girlfriend, Daphne Joy, has found herself in the middle of a scandal involving none other than Sean Diddy Combs. Yes, you heard that right. Allegations have surfaced claiming that Joy was a sex worker involved in Combs’…
‘Alien Analysts Stunned by Earthlings’ Folly in Response to Binance’s Nigeria Departure’ Greetings, fellow beings of Earth, Zog here reporting from the absurdity that is your planet. Today, we delve into the world of cryptocurrency and the comical drama surrounding Binance’s exit from Nigeria. Oh, the humanity! So, Binance, the mighty cryptocurrency exchange, has packed…
“Dragons Dogma 2: Where Slow Travel and Time Dilation Make Mundanity Beautiful” So, here we go again with another action RPG trying to lure us in with promises of hidden treasures and challenging enemies. Capcom’s Dragons Dogma 2 is the latest in a long line of games that want us to spend hours wandering aimlessly…
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“Phillies Opening Day postponed due to rain, fans disappointed but pitchers relieved” So, it looks like Mother Nature is playing a little game of hide and seek with the Philadelphia Phillies this year. Just when fans were ready to break out their peanuts and Cracker Jacks for Opening Day, a pesky little rain cloud decided…
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