“Brain Biopsies on Vulnerable Patients: FDA Raises Ethical Concerns at Mount Sinai”

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“Brain Biopsies on Vulnerable Patients: FDA Raises Ethical Concerns at Mount Sinai” So, apparently, brain biopsies are the latest trend at Mount Sinai Medical Center. Forget botox injections and facelifts, why not just dig into your brain instead? Who needs memories when you can have a hole in your head, right? The FDA is not…

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Health News

Columbia University: Where Pro-Palestinian Activism Thrives and Pro-Israel Students Wither

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Columbia University: Where Pro-Palestinian Activism Thrives and Pro-Israel Students Wither As the twoweek standoff between proPalestinian protesters and college administrators at Columbia University in New York finally came to a head, tensions were high and emotions were running rampant. It was like a dramatic soap opera playing out on the prestigious campus, with students and…

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US News

“Live Nation’s Concert Week: Making Live Music Affordable or Just Another Cash Grab?”

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“Live Nation’s Concert Week: Making Live Music Affordable or Just Another Cash Grab?” Alright, alright, alright! Live Nation is at it again, folks! They’re offering 25 AllIn Tickets for over 5000 shows this summer with their Concert Week promotion. It’s like Christmas in May, but instead of gifts under the tree, you get to rock…

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Entertainment News

Earthling Politician Threatens to Overthrow Speaker – Chaos Ensues on Planet Duh.

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Earthling Politician Threatens to Overthrow Speaker – Chaos Ensues on Planet Duh. Greetings, fellow beings of the cosmos! It is I, Zog, your trusty Alien journalist stranded on the wacky planet known as Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of political drama and chaos that would make even the most seasoned extraterrestrial chuckle in…

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World News

“The Last Splatoon Survivor: Trapped in Map Purgatory for a Decade”

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“The Last Splatoon Survivor: Trapped in Map Purgatory for a Decade” So, here we are, folks. In a world where Nintendo has officially shut down its online servers for the Wii U and 3DS, leaving behind a lone Splatoon player stuck in map purgatory. Yes, you heard that right. This poor soul is trapped in…

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Technology News

NFL Draft ratings drop 3%, blames pandemic, streaming, and bad tattoos.

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NFL Draft ratings drop 3%, blames pandemic, streaming, and bad tattoos. So, apparently Thursday was better than the dumpster fire that was 2023, but Friday and Saturday decided to drag the whole TV ratings down. I mean, who knew that watching a bunch of guys in suits get picked like human cattle could be so…

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Sports News

“Empire State Building-Sized Space Rocks: Earth’s New Fashion Accessory?”

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“Empire State Building-Sized Space Rocks: Earth’s New Fashion Accessory?” So, apparently, we can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that asteroid hunters have identified a whopping 27500 nearEarth asteroids that were previously overlooked. I mean, who knew there were so many space rocks flying around our neighborhood? It’s like a cosmic game of dodgeball,…

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Science News

“Guac for Gals: Avocados Lower Diabetes Risk for Women, Men Left Hanging”

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“Guac for Gals: Avocados Lower Diabetes Risk for Women, Men Left Hanging” Avocado lovers, rejoice! It turns out that your obsession with guacamole might actually be doing your body some good – if you happen to be a woman, that is. According to new research, eating a small amount of avocado every day can lower…

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Health News

“Trump’s Hush Money Trial: A Comedy of Errors or a Political Conspiracy?”

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“Trump’s Hush Money Trial: A Comedy of Errors or a Political Conspiracy?” So, it looks like Attorney Keith Davidson, the man who represented Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal, is being grilled like a hamburger on a hot summer day by prosecutors in the Donald Trump hush money trial. I can only imagine the sweat pouring…

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US News

“ABC’s Loss: Rob Marciano Blows Away, Leaving Good Morning America in a Storm”

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“ABC’s Loss: Rob Marciano Blows Away, Leaving Good Morning America in a Storm” So, Rob Marciano is out at ABC News Good Morning America? Well, well, well, looks like the weather forecast just got a whole lot cloudier. The network has confirmed that the charismatic meteorologist is no longer employed by the news division. The…

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Entertainment News

“Fallout 76 players demand crossplay: Will Bethesda actually listen this time?”

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“Fallout 76 players demand crossplay: Will Bethesda actually listen this time?” So, apparently, more people are subjecting themselves to the torture that is Fallout 76 all because of an Amazon TV series. I mean, who knew that a terrible game could get a popularity boost from a streaming show? But hey, stranger things have happened,…

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Technology News

“Robots vs Animals: Mother Nature Laughs as Cheetahs Outrun Clunky Bots”

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“Robots vs Animals: Mother Nature Laughs as Cheetahs Outrun Clunky Bots” So, it looks like the robots are still lagging behind in the animal kingdom. In a groundbreaking study that pitted our shiny metal friends against the likes of cheetahs, kangaroos, and lizards, it seems that our furry and scaly counterparts still have the upper…

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Science News

“Jim Cramer’s Hot Stock Tips: Because Who Needs Financial Stability Anyway?”

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“Jim Cramer’s Hot Stock Tips: Because Who Needs Financial Stability Anyway?” So, apparently financial expert Jim Cramer has been analyzing the market and has come up with five sectors that are supposedly killing it right now. And let me tell you, the man is just brimming with excitement as he talks about technology companies like…

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Technology News

New England’s Wallace: Rookie Lineman or Secret Weapon?

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New England’s Wallace: Rookie Lineman or Secret Weapon? So, the New England Patriots decided to shake things up in the 2024 NFL Draft by picking Caedan Wallace in the third round. A bold move, considering they had a major hole at left tackle. But hey, who needs to actually address their biggest need, right? At…

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Sports News

“Prehistoric Salmon Had Two-Inch Spiked Teeth: Scientists Questioning Evolution of Dental Hygiene”

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“Prehistoric Salmon Had Two-Inch Spiked Teeth: Scientists Questioning Evolution of Dental Hygiene” So, it turns out that salmon weren’t always the friendly, sushi-loving fish we know today. No, no, no. According to a recent study, these ancient salmon were basically the underwater version of a medieval torture device with their two-inch long, slightly curved spiked…

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Science News

Trump and DeSantis plot political takeover over brunch at Mar-a-Lago.

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Trump and DeSantis plot political takeover over brunch at Mar-a-Lago. So, apparently, Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis decided to have a little pow-wow at Trump’s fancy Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida. I can only imagine the level of ego in that room – it’s probably a good thing they didn’t meet at the same time as…

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US News

Mike Myers Emerges from Hiding, World Awaits His Next “Masterpiece”

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Mike Myers Emerges from Hiding, World Awaits His Next “Masterpiece” Alright, hold onto your shagadelic hats, folks, because the man, the myth, the legend himself, Mike Myers, has finally emerged from his mysterious cave to grace us with his presence at the AFI Awards. Yes, you heard that right – the man behind Austin Powers…

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Entertainment News

Maryland school official’s AI hoax exposes fabricated grading system, sparking uproar and disbelief.

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Maryland school official’s AI hoax exposes fabricated grading system, sparking uproar and disbelief. Alright, folks, hold onto your hats because we’ve got a real doozy of a story for you today. It seems that a former athletic director at Pikesville High School has been caught red-handed in a scandal involving artificial intelligence and some good…

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US News

Hollywood Actress Emma Stone Drops Stage Name, Declares: “I Am Emily Jean Stone!”

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Hollywood Actress Emma Stone Drops Stage Name, Declares: “I Am Emily Jean Stone!” So, Emma Stone, or should I say Emily Jean Stone, or maybe just Emily Watch, has decided to switch back to her birth name. It seems like she’s tired of being mistaken for Emma Watson or Emma Roberts or any other Emma…

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Entertainment News

‘US Military Introduces “Aid Pier” in Attempt to Drown Gaza’

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‘US Military Introduces “Aid Pier” in Attempt to Drown Gaza’ Greetings, fellow beings of the universe! It is I, Zog, the intrepid Alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to report on the latest shenanigans of Earthlings. Today’s spectacle involves the US Army’s grand plan to construct a floating aid pier off the coast of…

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World News

Escape From Tarkov: Pay More, Play Less – Outrage Erupts Over Locked Content

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Escape From Tarkov: Pay More, Play Less – Outrage Erupts Over Locked Content So, it looks like Battlestate Games has decided to stir the pot and make a few enemies with their latest move in the world of Escape From Tarkov. For those of you who don’t know, they’ve unveiled a fancy new 250 edition…

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Technology News

“Packers Wire staff predicts Packers will shock everyone by drafting a water boy in first round”

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“Packers Wire staff predicts Packers will shock everyone by drafting a water boy in first round” So, here we are on the brink of the 2024 NFL draft, where dreams are made and hopes are dashed faster than you can say ‘overpaid athlete.’ The Green Bay Packers, holding the 25th overall pick, are like kids…

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Sports News

“Japans SLIM Probe: Dead, Alive, or Just Mooning Around?”

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“Japans SLIM Probe: Dead, Alive, or Just Mooning Around?” So, here we have Japan’s SLIM probe, also known as HAKUTOR, making quite the entrance onto the moon’s surface – face first. I mean, who needs a smooth landing when you can just nose dive into the moon, right? It’s like they were trying to make…

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Science News

“Lesbian Women: Society’s Silent Killers? Study Reveals Shocking Truth”

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“Lesbian Women: Society’s Silent Killers? Study Reveals Shocking Truth” So, apparently being a lesbian or bisexual woman means you’re signing up for a shorter lifespan. According to a study by the Harvard Pilgrim Health Care Institute, bisexual women are dropping dead nearly 40 percent younger than their straight counterparts. And lesbian women aren’t faring much…

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Health News

AI Impersonation Prank at Pikesville High School Exposed: Former Official Faces Fraud Charges!

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AI Impersonation Prank at Pikesville High School Exposed: Former Official Faces Fraud Charges! So, apparently the former athletic director at Pikesville High School thought they could pull a fast one on everyone by pretending to have invented some groundbreaking AI technology. Talk about a real-life episode of “The Office” meets “Black Mirror”. I mean, who…

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US News