Homeless man auditions for new role as “Rock-throwing Villain” on Upper East Side.
So, apparently, even Hollywood actors aren’t safe from the wrath of rock-wielding homeless men in New York City. Michael Stuhlbarg, known for his role in Boardwalk Empire, found himself on the receiving end of a random attack near Central Park. I guess it’s true what they say, life really is like a box of chocolatesâ??you never know when you’re going to get smacked in the face with a rock by a stranger.
Picture this: Stuhlbarg, strolling along near East 90th and East Drive, minding his own business, probably rehearsing his lines or planning his next big role, when out of nowhere, a homeless man decides to play a real-life game of Angry Birds with the poor guy. The audacity! I mean, who knew that the Upper East Side was the new battleground for homeless rock-throwing enthusiasts?
Eyewitnesses described the attacker as aggressive and seemingly unprovoked. I mean, what did Stuhlbarg do to deserve such treatment? Maybe the homeless man mistook him for a rival actor or a particularly convincing street performer. Or maybe he just really hated Boardwalk Empire. Who knows? The mysteries of the human mind are truly endless.
But fear not, dear readers, for our hero Stuhlbarg did not go down without a fight. He bravely defended himself and sought help from nearby pedestrians. I can only imagine the sceneâ??Stuhlbarg dodging rocks like a seasoned action star, yelling for help in his best dramatic voice. It’s like a movie script come to life, except with more bruises and less CGI.
In a surprising turn of events, the attacker was actually subdued by passersby and detained until the authorities arrived. Talk about citizen justice in action! I can already see the headlines: “Rock-throwing homeless man thwarted by brave civilians, Hollywood actor saved!” It’s the kind of feel-good story that warms the cockles of your heart, isn’t it?
Despite the chaos, Stuhlbarg managed to escape with only minor injuries. Thank goodness for small mercies, right? I can already see the tabloids spinning this into a tale of survival and resilienceâ??Stuhlbarg, the unsung hero of Central Park, battling against all odds to emerge victorious. It’s the stuff of legends, folks.
As the dust settles, the big question remains: what could have possibly prompted this attack? Was it a case of mistaken identity? A random act of aggression? Or maybe the homeless man just really needed a new hobby. Whatever the reason, one thing is clear: the streets of New York City are not for the faint of heart.
So, let this be a lesson to us allâ??watch out for flying rocks, be kind to your fellow humans, and maybe, just maybe, consider taking up a less violent pastime than rock-throwing. And to Michael Stuhlbarg, wherever you are, stay safe out there, my friend. And maybe invest in a good pair of sunglasses for future walks near Central Park. You never know when you might need them.
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Source: New York Post
URL: https://nypost.com/2024/04/01/us-news/boardwalk-empire-actor-michael-stuhlbarg-attacked-by-rock-wielding-homeless-man-near-central-park/