So, it looks like the Keystone State has finally kicked one of its own to the curb. The Pennsylvania State Police have bid farewell to the trooper who thought it was a great idea to flex his muscles and arrest two LGBTQ officials on the side of I76. In a move that surprised absolutely no…
So, Chris Pine is out here singing the praises of the happiest actor he’s ever met. I mean, I guess that’s nice and all, but let’s be real here – who really cares? In a world where we’re bombarded with bad news and negativity, do we really need to know who the happiest actor in…
Ah, greetings Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood Alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to shed some light on the latest antics of your Earthly leaders. Let’s dive right in, shall we? So, apparently, President Biden has threatened to withhold US military aid to Israel because, surprise surprise, American bombs have been…
So, Apple thinks it’s hot stuff with its own high-end Apple silicon chips, huh? Well, well, well, look at them trying to flex their tech muscles by powering data centers for their upcoming iOS 18 AI features. I guess they got tired of relying on other companies for their hardware and decided to take matters…
Read More ““Apple’s AI Takeover: Bloomberg Surrenders Data Centers to Silicon Overlords”” »
So, it seems like Lions rookie cornerback Terrion Arnold has been stirring up some drama in the football world. In a shocking turn of events, Arnold claimed that the Raiders coach called him up and said they chose tight end Brock Bowers over him in a coin flip. A coin flip? Really? Is that how…
Read More ““Raiders Coach Uses Coin Flip to Decide Between Tight End and Rookie Cornerback”” »
Ah, SpaceX, the brainchild of everyone’s favorite eccentric billionaire, Elon Musk. The company has been making waves in the aerospace industry with their Starship program, promising to take us to Mars and beyond. But let’s be real, folks, we’re still waiting for that promised trip to Mars that Musk keeps talking about. Maybe he’s just…
Read More “SpaceX’s Starship test: Firing all engines, aiming for Mars or bust!” »
So, it turns out that farmworkers have been unwittingly playing a dangerous game of Russian roulette with their morning milk. That’s right, folks, the bird flu virus has been making a surprise appearance in dairy farms, infecting the very substance that millions of people pour over their cereal every day. But fear not, because apparently,…
Read More ““Exposed: Dairy workers at risk of bird flu due to lack of monitoring”” »
So, apparently, murdering your own 5-year-old daughter is frowned upon in society. Who knew? Adam Montgomery, the man who thought it was a good idea to take his daughter’s life, is being sentenced today. And let me tell you, the tension in the courtroom is so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Or,…
Read More ““Life without parole for man who couldn’t even handle a 5-year-old daughter”” »
Alright, folks, hold onto your hats because the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art has really outdone themselves this time. Their latest exhibition, Sleeping Beauty in the Chemistry Lab, is like nothing you’ve ever seen before. Picture this: fragile dresses inside airtight vitrines, overcoats growing grass, patnsniff walls, and even a hologram. Yes,…
So, apparently, Eastern Randolph High School is now the hot spot for tuberculosis. Move over prom drama, there’s a new infectious disease in town! In a shocking turn of events, a positive case of TB has been identified at the school, causing panic among students, staff, and parents alike. Now, before you start wrapping your…
Read More “Tuberculosis Hits High School: Infectious Drama Unfolds Among Students and Staff” »
So, apparently, the Astroworld lawsuits are getting settled faster than the line at the bar during a music festival. Nine out of ten wrongful death suits have already been resolved, leaving just one unlucky lawsuit hanging in the balance. It’s like a game of musical chairs, but instead of losing a seat, you lose a…
Read More “Astroworld Settlements: Music to Lawyers’ Ears, But What About the Tenth Suit?” »
Greetings, Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to bring you the latest scoop on the intergalactic drama unfolding between the United States and Israel. Strap in, because things are about to get wild! So, Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin has confirmed that the US decided to hit…
Tango Gameworks pitches HiFi Rush sequel before abrupt closure: Fans left in shock. So, apparently Arkane Austin and Tango Gameworks were both in the middle of pitching new games, including a sequel to HiFi Rush, before they got the old axe from ZeniMax and Xbox. Talk about a buzzkill, am I right? I mean, Tango…
Read More “Tango Gameworks pitches HiFi Rush sequel before abrupt closure: Fans left in shock.” »
BYU snags Utah transfer Keita: Can he survive the wild Cougar den? So, BYU has snagged itself a new player from Utah, Keba Keita, who decided to jump ship and join the Cougars. I mean, can you blame the guy? Who wouldn’t want to trade in the Utes for a chance to play for a…
Read More “BYU snags Utah transfer Keita: Can he survive the wild Cougar den?” »
So, apparently, the Dark Energy Camera has captured a celestial phenomenon that looks like a ghostly hand reaching out for a spiral galaxy. I mean, talk about drama in the cosmos! It’s like the universe is trying to send a message to the galaxy, like “Hey, can you spare a few stars?” The images of…
“HIV Predator Sentenced: Future of America at Stake as Voters Head to Polls” So, apparently, we have a real winner on our hands here. Alexander Louie, the poster child for bad decision-making, has been sentenced to 30 years in prison for being the Webster’s definition of a predator. I mean, talk about setting the bar…
Read More ““HIV Predator Sentenced: Future of America at Stake as Voters Head to Polls”” »
“Highway Melts Under Heat, Crews Return to Fix Mess. Traffic Chaos Ensues” Ah, the joys of modern transportation. One minute you’re cruising down Interstate 95, blasting your favorite tunes, and the next minute you’re stuck in traffic because some genius decided to turn a bridge into a puddle of molten metal. Yes, folks, that’s right….
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Cara Delevingne’s Sobering Wisdom: “Rehab is the new black” Oh, look who decided to grace us with their wisdom at the 2024 Met Gala – none other than the ever-so-enlightened Cara Delevingne. Apparently, she’s been on a journey to sobriety since 2022, and now she’s here to bestow her precious pearls of wisdom upon us…
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“Behold: The Shocking Absence of Earth’s Responsible Citizens!” “Behold: The Shocking Absence of Earth’s Responsible Citizens!”
“Earth’s magnetic field: the real MVP in the evolution of complex life” So, apparently Earth’s magnetic field used to be a weakling compared to its current buff self. I guess it finally hit the gym and beefed up over the years. Scientists have uncovered that around 591 million years ago, our planet’s magnetic field was…
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Bridge meltdown sparks chaos on I95: Demolition crew battles to restore order. So, it looks like the good ol’ Fairfield Avenue span couldn’t handle the heat of the fire and decided to take an impromptu vacation from being an actual bridge. I mean, who needs a fully intact bridge these days anyway, right? Workers were…
Read More “Bridge meltdown sparks chaos on I95: Demolition crew battles to restore order.” »
Tom Selleck’s Blue Bloods exit risks ranch, but he won’t quit – industry woes! Tom Selleck, the mustachioed icon of Blue Bloods fame, is not a happy camper these days. The man who has graced our screens as Police Commissioner Frank Reagan for over a decade is facing the harsh reality that his beloved show…
Read More “Tom Selleck’s Blue Bloods exit risks ranch, but he won’t quit – industry woes!” »
“Earthlings Attempt Peace Talks While War Looms, Aliens Amused” Greetings, fellow beings of Planet Duh! It is I, Zog, your intrepid alien journalist stranded on the wacky world known as Earth. Today, I bring you a report that will surely make you scratch your heads in disbelief at the absurdity of these Earthlings. So, here…
Read More ““Earthlings Attempt Peace Talks While War Looms, Aliens Amused”” »
“Samsung’s One UI 41 Update: Because Who Needs Data Anyway?” So, Samsung has finally decided to grace us with the highly anticipated One UI 41 update for Galaxy devices. Cue the applause, the confetti, and the inevitable chaos that comes with every software update. Now, before you go ahead and click that tempting ‘Install Now’…
Read More ““Samsung’s One UI 41 Update: Because Who Needs Data Anyway?”” »
Rangers’ Playoff Message: “Keep Calm and Score On… Or At Least Try To” So, the New York Rangers are feeling pretty good about themselves despite getting their butts kicked by the Carolina Hurricanes in Game 1. I mean, who needs to score goals to win a hockey game, right? Coach David Quinn must have been…
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