So, it looks like the CW has finally pulled the plug on Walker. No more Cordell Walker riding into the sunset on his trusty horse, or whatever it is Texas Rangers ride these days. The network has decided to bid adieu to the modern reimagining of the classic 90s series, leaving fans in a state…
Read More ““Goodbye, Walker: The only Texas Ranger show cancelled faster than a speeding bullet.”” »
Greetings, fellow beings of Planet Duh! It is I, Zog, your trusty alien journalist stranded on the wacky world of Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of government shenanigans that will make you question the sanity of these Earthlings. So, get this – the Associated Press had set up a live camera feed facing…
Read More ““Israel bans peeking at neighbors, claims it’s for ‘national security’”” »
So, apparently, former Boston Red Sox pitcher Austin Maddox decided to take a break from throwing baseballs and instead tried his hand at throwing himself in jail. Maddox, 33, was arrested on four charges related to soliciting sexual acts from a minor in a Florida child sex sting operation called Operation Valiant Knights. I guess…
Read More ““Youkilis Strikes Out: Former Red Sox Player Caught in Florida Child Sex Sting”” »
So, Samsung is at it again with their Galaxy S24 and S23 updates, promising all sorts of fancy upgrades to keep us drooling over our phones like a bunch of tech-obsessed zombies. The last couple of updates focused on security, because apparently, we all need Fort Knox-level protection for our selfies and cat videos. But…
Read More ““S20, S21, S22… Who needs ’em? Samsung promises real innovation with Galaxy S24!”” »
So, apparently having horrifying dreams about being murdered or crushed could be a sign that your body is gearing up for a fun little autoimmune disease like lupus. Who knew that your subconscious mind was just trying to warn you about potential health issues? Thanks, brain, for keeping me on my toes. But fear not,…
Read More ““Nightmares: The Lupus Connection – Are Your Dreams Trying to Kill You?”” »
So, it seems like Mother Nature has decided to throw a little temper tantrum in the metro area, causing some major flash flooding. And what’s the best way to stay updated on the chaos? Well, apparently it’s not by looking out your window or listening to the radio like a normal person. No, no, we…
Read More ““Flash Floods: Check Map or Risk Becoming New Water Feature in Metro”” »
So, let’s talk about the Orlando Museum of Art and their recent stroke of luck in the form of an $18 million bequest from the estate of Margaret Young. Now, any day that a museum gets handed a seven-figure gift is cause for celebration, right? Unless, of course, you’re the Orlando Museum of Art, which…
Read More ““Orlando Museum of Art: Where Artistic Vision Meets Donor Demands…Awkwardly”” »
Greetings, fellow beings of the universe! It is I, Zog, your friendly alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to bring you the latest scoop on the absurdity of Earth’s inhabitants. Today’s headline: the International Criminal Court is seeking arrest warrants for Israeli and Hamas leaders, including none other than Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu….
Read More “‘Alien journalist demands Earth leaders play nice in sandbox war game.’” »
So, the NFL is thinking about letting private equity firms get a piece of the action, huh? I can already see the dollar signs lighting up in the eyes of some of these team owners. Because, you know, they definitely need more money. I can just picture it now – a bunch of Wall Street…
Read More ““NFL considers selling out to private equity, but don’t hold your breath”” »
So, Apple TV Plus has finally decided to grace us with the release date for the time travel comedy Time Bandits, starring Lisa Kudrow. I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch Phoebe Buffay travel through time and space with a bunch of eccentric bandits? It’s like Friends meets Doctor Who, but with more questionable fashion…
So, the Chinese astronauts from the Shenzhou 16 mission recently decided to spice things up aboard the Tiangong space station by lighting a match. I mean, who needs Netflix when you have astronauts playing with fire in space, am I right? In a move that probably made the safety officers back on Earth break out…
So, it turns out that your trusty watch wristband may not be as innocent as you thought. In fact, a recent study published in the journal Advances in Infectious Diseases has revealed that a whopping 95% of watch wristbands are basically just breeding grounds for dangerous bacteria. Yes, you read that right. Your cute little…
So, apparently Mother Nature was feeling a little feisty in Oklahoma over the weekend. Severe storms decided to crash the party, bringing along multiple tornadoes and strong winds to wreak havoc on the state. Sky 5, the lone ranger news helicopter, was there to capture all the chaos from above. The aerial footage showed a…
Read More ““Oklahoma Left in Ruins: Sky 5 Catches Mother Nature’s Wrath Unfiltered”” »
Well, well, well, it looks like the Kansas City Chiefs’ very own dynamic duo, Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce, decided to trade in their football helmets for some musical instruments at the recent Kelce Jam event. And let me tell you, it was a sight to behold. The stars were out in full force at…
Read More “Mahomes and Kelce Rock Out, Fans Wonder if They’ve Been Training for American Idol” »
‘Earthlings celebrate successful retrieval of deceased human in Gaza’
So, it looks like Fanatics, the sports merchandising giant, is taking Ohio State University’s wide receiver Marvin Harrison Jr to court. I mean, really? Is this what sports has come to? Lawsuits over not posting enough on Instagram? According to the lawsuit, Fanatics claims that Harrison Jr didn’t hold up his end of the bargain…
Read More ““Fanatics Fumbles Lawsuit Against Cardinals Rookie: Marvin Harrison Jr Drops the Ball”” »
So, apparently, someone out there has decided that the best way to improve any electronic device is by slapping a Game Boy Advance SP screen on it. Because, you know, nothing says “modern technology” like a screen from a handheld console that was all the rage in the early 2000s. I mean, sure, who wouldn’t…
Read More ““GBA SP Screen: The Surprisingly Essential Addition to All Your Tech Needs”” »
Oh, you thought 2022 couldn’t get any weirder? Think again, folks! Linda Leccesse has managed to spice up the new year by allegedly engaging in some steamy activities at 101 Market St in Marietta, Ohio. And no, we’re not talking about a hot new restaurant or trendy club – we’re talking about some good old-fashioned…
Read More ““Contagious Chaos: Ohio Woman’s Indictment Sparks Public Health Panic”” »
So, apparently, Einstein was right (shocking, I know). Scientists have finally observed a region in black holes that the genius himself predicted about 10000 light years away from Earth. I mean, it’s about time, right? I’m sure Einstein is up there somewhere rolling his eyes at us mere mortals for taking so long to catch…
So, it seems President Joe Biden is gearing up to deliver a commencement speech at Morehouse College that will make even the most stoic of graduates shed a tear or two. After weeks of consulting with prominent Black public figures, the Biden administration is pulling out all the stops to ensure this speech is a…
Read More “Biden’s Morehouse Speech: Amplifying Student Voices or Just Another Political Ploy?” »
So, here’s the scoop – a homeless man decided to take a swing at none other than the legendary actor Steve Buscemi. Yes, you heard that right. This guy must have mistaken Buscemi for a punching bag or a piñata, because why else would you randomly attack a Hollywood star? The incident took place on…
Read More ““Steve Buscemi’s Eye Meets Homeless Fist: Man Sent to Jail on $50k Bail”” »
Greetings, fellow beings of Planet Duh! It is I, Zog, your trusty alien journalist stranded on the chaotic planet known as Earth. Today, I bring you a tale so absurd, it will make you question the sanity of these Earthlings once again. In a bizarre turn of events, the infamous Elon Musk has declared war…
Read More “Elon Musk calls for Fauci’s arrest over shady gain of function research funding.” »
So, Slack is in hot water once again (surprise, surprise) after it was revealed that they’ve been using their users’ private messages to train their AI. I mean, who needs privacy when you can have a robot reading all your juicy gossip, right? Users were understandably shocked and dismayed to find out that their messages…
Read More “Slack AI: Your Privacy is Our Punchline, Data Mining for Laughs.” »
So, the Miami Dolphins are in a bit of a pickle, huh? Trying to figure out if Tua Tagovailoa is their golden boy or just another dud they picked up at the quarterback garage sale. It’s like trying to choose between a fancy sports car that breaks down every other mile or a reliable minivan…
So, apparently, Albert Einstein was right all along. Surprise, surprise. In news that shocked absolutely no one, astronomers have finally confirmed the existence of a region around black holes where objects can plunge to their doom without any hope of escape. I mean, it’s not like we’ve been talking about this for decades or anything….
Read More ““Einstein’s Black Hole Theory Confirmed: Where Matter Goes to Die – CNN”” »
