Month: April 2024

“Hatsune Miku Fails to Impress Fans with Holographic Concert, Demands Refunds Pour In”

April 8, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Hatsune Miku Fails to Impress Fans with Holographic Concert, Demands Refunds Pour In” So, here we are in the year 2024, where apparently using a good old LED TV is now the cutting-edge technology for showcasing holographic pop stars. Hatsune Miku, the virtual diva herself, has caused quite the stir with her recent concert series,…

Technology News

Vatican warns: Embracing diversity and reproductive choices might actually be…progress?

April 8, 2024April 9, 2024 Zog Wakk

Vatican warns: Embracing diversity and reproductive choices might actually be…progress? Greetings, fellow Duhlings! Zog here, reporting live from the wacky world of Earth, where the Vatican has decided to reaffirm its stance on gender reassignment, abortion, and euthanasia in a new declaration called Dignitas Infinita. Because apparently, the Catholic Church just can’t resist telling everyone…

World News

“NeuM Unveiled: Peeking Inside the Brain to Unravel Neurological Mysteries”

April 8, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“NeuM Unveiled: Peeking Inside the Brain to Unravel Neurological Mysteries” So, apparently, scientists have come up with a fancy new technology called NeuM that promises to give us a front-row seat to the inner workings of our neurons. I mean, who doesn’t want to spy on their brain cells, am I right? This cutting-edge imaging…

Health News

“Trump: Let States Decide on Abortion, Except for Rape, Incest, and Mother’s Life…of course”

April 8, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Trump: Let States Decide on Abortion, Except for Rape, Incest, and Mother’s Life…of course” So, the man who famously said he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not lose any voters has now decided to weigh in on the hot-button issue of abortion. Donald Trump, the man who can’t seem to make up his…

US News

Eiko Ishibashi: Anger-fueled genius or just a mad composer?

April 8, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Eiko Ishibashi: Anger-fueled genius or just a mad composer? So, apparently, renowned composer Eiko Ishibashi is on a mission to push the boundaries of music with her latest work, Drive My Car. And what’s her inspiration, you ask? Anger. That’s right, folks, Ishibashi is channeling her frustration with societal norms and expectations into her music,…

Entertainment News

“New York City in for a treat, Texas gets the short end of the eclipse stick”

April 7, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“New York City in for a treat, Texas gets the short end of the eclipse stick” So, apparently, New York City is going to have clear skies for the 2024 solar eclipse. Big whoop. I mean, sure, New Yorkers will have a good shot of seeing the eclipse, but let’s be real, they probably have…

Science News

“Cleveland: Where Total Eclipse and Clark Comet Light up the Night Sky”

April 7, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Cleveland: Where Total Eclipse and Clark Comet Light up the Night Sky” So, Cleveland, the city that’s usually known for its lackluster sports teams and unpredictable weather, was suddenly thrust into the spotlight this week thanks to a rare celestial event. Yes, you heard that right – Cleveland got to witness a total eclipse and…

Sports News

“Fallout New Vegas: Because who needs new games when you have moral dilemmas?”

April 7, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Fallout New Vegas: Because who needs new games when you have moral dilemmas?” So, apparently, Fallout New Vegas is still a thing. Yes, that’s right, this RPG classic from nearly 15 years ago is somehow still managing to stick around in the cultural discourse more than many modern games. Who would’ve thought that a game…

Technology News

“Earthlings Shocked to Discover US Congress Infected by Russian Propaganda!”

April 7, 2024April 7, 2024 Zog Wakk

“Earthlings Shocked to Discover US Congress Infected by Russian Propaganda!” Greetings, Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood Alien journalist from Planet Duh, here to shed some light on the comical chaos that is your planet’s political landscape. Strap in, buckle up, and get ready for a wild ride through the absurdity of Earth’s…

World News

“AM5 Socket: AMD’s Latest Ploy to Make Your Current CPU Obsolete”

April 6, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“AM5 Socket: AMD’s Latest Ploy to Make Your Current CPU Obsolete” So, apparently AMD is cooking up some new goodies for us tech enthusiasts to drool over. Forget Zen 3 or Zen 4, we’re talking Zen 5 and Zen 6 processors possibly making themselves at home on the AM5 socket. It’s like a fancy new…

Technology News

“Alien journalist amazed by Earthlings’ ability to sever ties over ex-vice president’s arrest.”

April 6, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Alien journalist amazed by Earthlings’ ability to sever ties over ex-vice president’s arrest.” Greetings, fellow Duhlings! It is I, Zog, your trusty Alien journalist stranded on the wacky planet Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of political drama and diplomatic chaos straight from the land of Ecuador. So, picture this: the Ecuadorian Police decided…

World News

“NASA Saves Voyager 1 from Cosmic Insanity: Probe No Longer Speaking Alien Language”

April 5, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“NASA Saves Voyager 1 from Cosmic Insanity: Probe No Longer Speaking Alien Language” So, it turns out that the Voyager 1 spacecraft has been on a bit of a bender lately, thanks to some corrupted memory hardware causing it to transmit gibberish to mission control. I mean, who knew that even in the vast emptiness…

Science News

Ozempic users shocked by unexpected pregnancies Is it a miracle or a curse?

April 5, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Ozempic users shocked by unexpected pregnancies Is it a miracle or a curse? So, it turns out that popping a pill to control your blood sugar or shed some pounds might just lead to a little surprise in the form of a baby. Who knew that Ozempic, Wegovy, Mounjaro, and Zepbound were the new fertility…

Health News

Michael Douglas Shocked to Discover Marvel Costar as Long-Lost Relative

April 5, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Michael Douglas Shocked to Discover Marvel Costar as Long-Lost Relative Michael Douglas, the man who made greed look good in Wall Street and brought a whole new meaning to the term “interrogation scene” in Basic Instinct, has found himself in the midst of a Hollywood family drama that even the most seasoned screenwriter would struggle…

Entertainment News

“Charity Founder Shocked Earthlings Use ‘Systematic Car Attacks’ for Aid Distribution”

April 4, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Charity Founder Shocked Earthlings Use ‘Systematic Car Attacks’ for Aid Distribution” Greetings, fellow Earthlings! It is I, Zog, the intrepid Alien journalist from the Planet Duh, here to report on the latest shenanigans of your delightful planet. Today’s headline: Israel accused of playing a twisted game of “Whack-A-Mole” with aid workers in Gaza. Yes, you…

World News

“Stellar Blade Devs Shock Fans by Actually Prioritizing Gameplay Over Greed”

April 4, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Stellar Blade Devs Shock Fans by Actually Prioritizing Gameplay Over Greed” So, here we are in the world of gaming, where microtransactions have become as common as a Kardashian selfie. But fear not, dear gamers, for the developers of Stellar Blade have decided to take a stand against this cash-grabbing trend. That’s right, no microtransactions…

Technology News

“Broken bones and bruised egos: Itzulia Basque Country stage 4 crash chaos ensues”

April 4, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Broken bones and bruised egos: Itzulia Basque Country stage 4 crash chaos ensues” Oh, the drama! It seems like the Itzulia Basque Country race turned into a real-life soap opera with all the crashes and injuries. Move over, Days of Our Lives, we’ve got Jonas Vingegaard and Remco Evenepoel stealing the spotlight with their broken…

Sports News

“Parents fear kids’ retinas will be toast from eclipse, demand DOE action!”

April 4, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Parents fear kids’ retinas will be toast from eclipse, demand DOE action!” So, apparently parents are losing their minds over the upcoming solar eclipse, fearing that their precious little angels will burn their retinas out from staring at the sun like a bunch of tiny daredevils. I mean, sure, it’s a rare event and all,…

Science News

“Friendship Fiasco: Babys Aunt Banned from Babysitting, Wife’s Jealousy Revealed”

April 4, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Friendship Fiasco: Babys Aunt Banned from Babysitting, Wife’s Jealousy Revealed” So, apparently being dubbed the “baby’s aunt” doesn’t come with the privilege of actually babysitting. Talk about a slap in the face! This poor woman is left wondering why she’s being kept at arm’s length when it comes to taking care of her best friend’s…

Health News

Kutcher’s Diddy Secrets: MTV Friendship or Blackmail Scheme? Stay tuned for the juicy details!

April 4, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Kutcher’s Diddy Secrets: MTV Friendship or Blackmail Scheme? Stay tuned for the juicy details! So, apparently Ashton Kutcher and Diddy have some kind of secret bond that has the world buzzing with curiosity. I mean, who knew these two were tight? Maybe they bonded over their shared love of bling or their mutual interest in…

Entertainment News

“Vulcan rocket launch delayed due to uncertainty over payload – Space Force certification pending?”

April 3, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Vulcan rocket launch delayed due to uncertainty over payload – Space Force certification pending?” So, it looks like United Launch Alliance is having a little bit of trouble getting their Vulcan rocket off the ground. After their big debut in January, where they probably popped some champagne and high-fived each other, it seems like they’re…

Science News

Forget Botox! Berries are the new fountain of youth, says beauty guru.

April 3, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Forget Botox! Berries are the new fountain of youth, says beauty guru. So, apparently, the fountain of youth isn’t found in some expensive jar of cream or needle full of Botox. No, according to Star Khechara, the creator of The Facelift Diet, all you need to do is chow down on some berries and boom…

Health News

“Judge shuts down Trump’s immunity claim, trial set to begin – popcorn ready!”

April 3, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Judge shuts down Trump’s immunity claim, trial set to begin – popcorn ready!” So, the drama surrounding former President Donald Trump just keeps on coming, doesn’t it? The man who never seems to stay out of the headlines is now trying to delay his trial in a hush money case because, well, why not? I…

US News

Julia Garner to Surf the Cosmos as Silver Surfer in Marvel Studios Exclusive!

April 3, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Julia Garner to Surf the Cosmos as Silver Surfer in Marvel Studios Exclusive! Move over, Chris Hemsworth, there’s a new superhero in town – and she’s not afraid to surf through the stars in style. In a surprising twist of fate, Julia Garner has been cast as the cosmic hero Silver Surfer in Marvel Studios’…

Entertainment News

“Russia Blames US for Terror Attack, Declares War on Imaginary Enemies”

April 3, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Russia Blames US for Terror Attack, Declares War on Imaginary Enemies” Greetings, fellow Earthlings! It is I, Zog, your friendly neighborhood Alien journalist from Planet Duh, here to report on the latest shenanigans happening on this wacky planet of yours. Today’s topic of discussion? The Russian officials’ blame game after a terrorist attack on the…

World News