‘The Illusion of Order: Earthlings Attempt to Herd Cats’ Ah, Earthlings, you never fail to amuse me with your chaotic ways. As I, Zog from the Planet Duh, observe the absurdity unfolding on this strange planet, I can’t help but shake my head in disbelief. Take, for example, the recent praise heaped upon the Squad…
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Google Unveils Chromecast with Google TV: Because Watching TV Wasn’t Confusing Enough Already So, Google is at it again with their fancy new Chromecast with Google TV. Because apparently, the world was just clamoring for a sequel to the 2020 version. I mean, who doesn’t want to spend more money on a slightly updated streaming…
Planet 9: The Big, Bad Mystery Rock Beyond Neptune – Brace Yourselves! So, apparently there’s something gigantic hanging out beyond Neptune’s orbit, just chilling and stabilizing objects like it’s no big deal. A team of researchers claim they have found the strongest evidence yet that Planet 9 (not to be confused with the terrible movie)…
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“Woman sheds 105 pounds with walking, dieting, and Wegovy: PCOS symptoms improve too!” So, here we have another remarkable weight loss story that will make you question your own life choices. A woman, who shall remain nameless probably because she doesn’t want people to know how she managed to drop 105 pounds, decided to start…
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“Campus Protests: Jewish Students Feel Unsafe, Anti-Semitism Ignites, Columbia University on Edge” So, it seems like the drama at Columbia University is hotter than a New York City summer. Jewish students are feeling more targeted than a bullseye at an archery range, thanks to some rowdy protesters who apparently missed the memo on inclusivity. Reports…
Zendaya Aces the Fashion Game: Tennis Polo Redefined in High-Fashion Twist Ah, Zendaya, the queen of fashion reinvention. This girl can literally wear a trash bag and make it look like a million bucks. And at the Challengers LA premiere, she did not disappoint. Zendaya strutted her stuff in a custom-designed outfit courtesy of Jacquemus,…
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‘Earthling Politician Discovers Backbone, Insults Fellow Hypocrites in Epic Tirade.’ Greetings, my fellow beings of Planet Duh! It is I, Zog, your trusty alien journalist stranded on the wacky planet known as Earth. Today, I bring you a juicy tidbit of Earthling drama that is sure to tickle your tentacles. So, imagine this: a Texas…
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“Valheim Players Spend 1000 Hours Creating RPG: Are They Avoiding Real Life?” So, apparently, two Valheim players have decided that spending a thousand hours over three months to create a whole RPG within the game is a good use of their time. I mean, who needs to go outside and get some fresh air when…
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“Amari Williams Chooses Kentucky: Wildcats Collect Another Trophy…or Transfer” So, it looks like the Wildcats have reeled in another big fish with Amari Williams committing to play for Kentucky. I guess Mark Pope and the gang are really pulling out all the stops to stack their roster this season. I mean, who wouldn’t want to…
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“Tween discovers massive marine reptile fossil, experts thrilled, jealous of her luck” So, apparently, this week we have a tween stumbling upon the fossil of the largest marine reptile ever to roam the seas. Move over, Godzilla, we’ve got a real-life sea monster on our hands. And who would have thought that a 12-year-old named…
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“420 for Tots: Babies Light Up Bongs, Parents Cheer – Revolutionary Parenting or Reckless Trend?” In a shocking turn of events, this 420 nurseries across the nation were adorned with the sweet aroma of cannabis smoke as babies barely out of their diapers were spotted lighting up bongs in celebration. Yes, you read that right….
Victoria Beckham’s Birthday Bash: Crutches, Couture, and Celebrity Shenanigans! Victoria Beckham, the queen of fashion and former Spice Girl, made quite the entrance at her 50th birthday party in London. But instead of strutting in wearing her signature sky-high heels, she opted for a glamorous gown and a pair of crutches. Yes, you read that…
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“Earthlings prioritize war over peace with $95B military aid frenzy!” “Earthlings prioritize war over peace with $95B military aid frenzy!”
Silent Hill 2 Remake: James Sunderland’s new face sparks debate on horror authenticity. So, apparently, Bloober Team has decided that James Sunderland needed a little touch-up in the highly anticipated Silent Hill 2 Remake. Because, you know, nothing says survival horror like a protagonist with a fresh new face lift. Fans of the original game…
New York Giants Roll the Dice on JJ McCarthy: Will it be a Touchdown or Fumble? So, apparently Chad Reuter over at NFL.com has decided to play GM for the New York Giants in his latest mock draft. And what a shocker – he has them selecting JJ McCarthy, the Michigan quarterback. Because you know,…
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Pluto’s Heart: Created by Cosmic Breakup or Just a Really Bad Tinder Date? So, apparently, Pluto has a giant heart on its surface. And no, it’s not because Pluto has been binge-watching romantic comedies and eating tubs of ice cream. Astronomers believe that this heart-shaped feature, known as Tombaugh Regio, was actually formed by a…
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Fasting Frenzy: Study Suggests Cutting Calories, Not Timing, is Key to Weight Loss So, apparently, the latest craze in the world of weight loss is intermittent fasting. You know, the whole “I can only eat during a 4-hour window each day” kind of deal. Well, hold onto your kale smoothies, folks, because a recent study…
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“Man sets self on fire near Trump trial, sparking political tension and chaos” In a bizarre turn of events, a man decided to spice up his day by setting himself on fire outside the New York City courthouse where former President Donald Trump is currently on trial. Talk about making a grand entrance! The man,…
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CBS Cancels Vegas So Help Me Todd: Viewers Shocked, Petition Started, Tears Flowing So, CBS has pulled the plug on not one, but two of their beloved dramas. First up, we have CSI: Vegas, which has been axed after a mere three seasons. I guess the crime scene investigators couldn’t solve the mystery of how…
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“Earth Politicians Point Fingers While Ukrainians Perish; Water Cooler Talk Material?” Greetings, my fellow beings of Planet Duh! It is I, Zog, your trusty alien journalist stranded on the bizarre planet known as Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of political tomfoolery and incompetence that is sure to leave you scratching your non-existent heads….
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Cleveland Browns VP trolls NFL with ambiguous draft strategy: “QB or nah?” So, apparently the Cleveland Browns are feeling a bit wishy-washy about their draft strategy. De facto General Manager Eliot Wolf is out here acting like he’s some kind of Zen master, preaching about being open to all possibilities for the upcoming NFL draft….
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“Starfields: A Galactic Waiting Game or Just Another Cosmic Disappointment?” So, it seems like the folks over at Starfields have finally decided to grace us with some updates after leaving us hanging for what feels like an eternity. I mean, seriously, it’s been over seven months since this sci-fi RPG landed on our screens, and…
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“Book Conservation Lab Unveils Office Guillotine – Quick Someone Get This Book a Doctor!” So, apparently there’s a book conservation lab at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. And get this – they have a guillotine. Yes, you heard me right, a guillotine. Because nothing says “preserving literary treasures” quite like a good old-fashioned beheading, am…
Eat right or your intermittent fasting efforts will be a waste of time So, you’ve heard about this magical weight loss solution called intermittent fasting, huh? Well, buckle up buttercup, because it’s not as easy as just skipping breakfast and calling it a day. One dietitian says you have to adhere to some strict guidelines…
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“Trans Runner Overcomes Gender Barrier, Wins Right to Compete with Girls” So, apparently, there’s a whole big hoopla going on in West Virginia over a transgender runner named Becky PepperJackson who just wants to lace up her sneakers and hit the cross country trails with her fellow high school girls. But oh no, that’s just…
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