Month: March 2024

Capcom’s DLC Strategy: Tease, Release, Repeat – Akuma Arrives in Street Fighter 6

March 31, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Capcom’s DLC Strategy: Tease, Release, Repeat – Akuma Arrives in Street Fighter 6 So, it looks like Capcom is at it again with their DLC releases for Street Fighter 6. It’s like a never-ending cycle of teaser trailers and fighting passes, with fans eagerly awaiting the next character drop like kids waiting for Christmas morning….

Technology News

“Governor Lee Blocks Police Reform Law: Lawmakers Craftier at Dodging Accountability Than Speeding Tickets”

March 31, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Governor Lee Blocks Police Reform Law: Lawmakers Craftier at Dodging Accountability Than Speeding Tickets” So, in a shocking turn of events, Tennessee Governor Bill Lee has decided to play the ultimate game of “hide and seek” with police reform laws. By signing a bill that blocks cities from enacting local police reforms, Governor Lee has…

US News

Adele vs. Rebel Wilson: Hollywood’s Newest Feud Revealed in Jaw-Dropping Memoir

March 31, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Adele vs. Rebel Wilson: Hollywood’s Newest Feud Revealed in Jaw-Dropping Memoir Move over, Taylor vs. Kanye, there’s a new feud brewing in Hollywood â?? Rebel Wilson vs. Adele. That’s right, folks, according to Wilson’s upcoming memoir, Adele allegedly hates her guts. And why, you may ask? Well, apparently it all comes down to people mistaking…

Entertainment News

Tennessee Governor Blocks Police Reform Law: Are Cops Above the Law?

March 30, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Tennessee Governor Blocks Police Reform Law: Are Cops Above the Law? Well, well, well, look who’s trying to sweep police reform under the rug in Tennessee. Governor Bill Lee has decided to put a big ol’ roadblock in front of any local efforts to hold law enforcement accountable for their actions. Because, you know, who…

US News

‘Alien journalist baffled by Earthlings’ obsession with attacking concert halls.’

March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 Zog Wakk

‘Alien journalist baffled by Earthlings’ obsession with attacking concert halls.’ Well, well, well, it seems like the Earthlings are up to their usual shenanigans again. In a not-so-shocking turn of events, nine individuals from Tajikistan have been detained in connection with the recent attack on a concert hall in Moscow. Now, I must say, attacking…

World News

“Final Fantasy VII Rebirth’s Ending: More Disappointing Than Your Ex’s Rebirth”

March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Final Fantasy VII Rebirth’s Ending: More Disappointing Than Your Ex’s Rebirth” So, Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth has come and gone, leaving fans scratching their heads and wondering what the heck just happened. After months of hype and anticipation, it seems that Square Enix may have dropped the ball with the ending of the game. And…

Technology News

Xabi Alonso dodges Liverpool and Bayern Munich for Bayer Leverkusen: Data Analyst Turned Coach!

March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Xabi Alonso dodges Liverpool and Bayern Munich for Bayer Leverkusen: Data Analyst Turned Coach! Xabi Alonso, the man with more clubs in his career than Tiger Woods on a Saturday night, has decided to stick around at Bayer Leverkusen. He’s like that ex who just won’t leave you alone, except in this case, Leverkusen is…

Sports News

Boeing and NASA’s Starliner test flight delayed again – space exploration or just space drama?

March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Boeing and NASA’s Starliner test flight delayed again – space exploration or just space drama? So, surprise surprise, Boeing and NASA have once again pushed back the Starliner Crewed Flight Test, this time to May 1st, 2024. Because, you know, scheduling at the International Space Station is just so hard to coordinate. I mean, who…

Science News

“Bone Marrow Transplants: The New Highway for Alzheimers? Brace Yourselves, Donors!”

March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Bone Marrow Transplants: The New Highway for Alzheimers? Brace Yourselves, Donors!” So, apparently, Alzheimers disease is not just a brain thing anymore. According to a recent study, this pesky condition can now be spread through bone marrow transplants. Yes, you heard that right. Forget about genetics, forget about age, forget about lifestyle – now you…

Health News

“Gov Bill Lee Stifles Police Reform, Keeps Tennessee in the Dark Ages”

March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Gov Bill Lee Stifles Police Reform, Keeps Tennessee in the Dark Ages” So, surprise surprise, Tennessee Governor Bill Lee has decided to throw a wrench in the gears of progress by signing a bill that blocks cities from enacting local police reforms. Because, you know, who needs accountability and oversight when it comes to law…

US News

“Diddy’s Drama: Sex, Drugs, and Violence – The Dark Side of the Music Industry”

March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Diddy’s Drama: Sex, Drugs, and Violence – The Dark Side of the Music Industry” So, it looks like our boy Sean Diddy Combs, or Puff Daddy, or whatever he’s calling himself these days, is in some hot water. And not just any hot water, we’re talking a scalding hot tub of scandal here. According to…

Entertainment News

“Blizzard’s Diablo 4 Update: Necromancers Thrive, Barbarians Beware – Brace for Chaos!”

March 28, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Blizzard’s Diablo 4 Update: Necromancers Thrive, Barbarians Beware – Brace for Chaos!” So, buckle up, gamers, because Diablo 4 is about to get a facelift that even a necromancer would envy. With over 10000 words of patch notes, Blizzard is basically saying, “Hold onto your loot, folks, because things are about to get wild.” First…

Technology News

Pope Francis shocks world by daring to treat women like equals.

March 28, 2024March 29, 2024 Zog Wakk

Pope Francis shocks world by daring to treat women like equals. Greetings, fellow beings of Planet Duh! It is I, Zog, your trusty Alien journalist stranded on the wacky world known as Earth. Today, I bring you a tale of the 87-year-old Pope Francis and his daring escapades at a prison in Rome. Hold onto…

World News

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth’s GBike Glitch: Making High Scores Disappear Faster Than Your Ex’s Texts

March 28, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth’s GBike Glitch: Making High Scores Disappear Faster Than Your Ex’s Texts So, it looks like the Ultimate Party Animals GBike score glitch in Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth is causing quite the stir among players. I mean, who wouldn’t be frustrated after putting in hours of effort only to have their score…

Technology News

“NFL Auctioning Off Christmas Games: Who Will Win the Holiday Broadcasting Battle?”

March 28, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“NFL Auctioning Off Christmas Games: Who Will Win the Holiday Broadcasting Battle?” So, some kids would be happy with a Fraggle stick car for Christmas, while others are throwing tantrums because they didn’t get the whole dang factory. Talk about entitled. But hey, who needs gratitude when you can have it all, right? In other…

Sports News

“Zombie star explosion leaves cosmic mess – Daily Telescope uncovers stellar drama”

March 28, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Zombie star explosion leaves cosmic mess – Daily Telescope uncovers stellar drama” So, apparently, incomplete explosions can leave behind a “zombie star.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds like something straight out of a B-movie horror flick. Picture it now: a star that refuses to die, lurking in the depths of space, ready…

Science News

“Mpox Madness: US Cases Skyrocket, Vaccination Rates Plummet – Public Health Crisis Imminent”

March 28, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Mpox Madness: US Cases Skyrocket, Vaccination Rates Plummet – Public Health Crisis Imminent” So, apparently Mpox cases in the United States are doubling like a bad sequel to a mediocre movie. I mean, come on, can we not catch a break here? It’s like we’re in the middle of a pandemic or something. Oh wait,…

Health News

Robotic dog saves the day, gets shot, still a better cop than most.

March 28, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

Robotic dog saves the day, gets shot, still a better cop than most. So, picture this: a robotic dog named Roscoe, part of the Massachusetts state police bomb squad, waltzes into a house to locate a person and stumbles upon someone armed in the basement. I mean, talk about a plot twist! I bet even…

US News

50 Cent mocks sex trafficking rumors involving ex Daphne Joy: “Didn’t know you worked!”

March 28, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

50 Cent mocks sex trafficking rumors involving ex Daphne Joy: “Didn’t know you worked!” So, apparently, 50 Cent’s ex-girlfriend, Daphne Joy, has found herself in the middle of a scandal involving none other than Sean Diddy Combs. Yes, you heard that right. Allegations have surfaced claiming that Joy was a sex worker involved in Combs’…

Entertainment News

‘Alien Analysts Stunned by Earthlings’ Folly in Response to Binance’s Nigeria Departure’

March 27, 2024March 29, 2024 Zog Wakk

‘Alien Analysts Stunned by Earthlings’ Folly in Response to Binance’s Nigeria Departure’ Greetings, fellow beings of Earth, Zog here reporting from the absurdity that is your planet. Today, we delve into the world of cryptocurrency and the comical drama surrounding Binance’s exit from Nigeria. Oh, the humanity! So, Binance, the mighty cryptocurrency exchange, has packed…

World News

“Dragons Dogma 2: Where Slow Travel and Time Dilation Make Mundanity Beautiful”

March 27, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Dragons Dogma 2: Where Slow Travel and Time Dilation Make Mundanity Beautiful” So, here we go again with another action RPG trying to lure us in with promises of hidden treasures and challenging enemies. Capcom’s Dragons Dogma 2 is the latest in a long line of games that want us to spend hours wandering aimlessly…

Technology News

“Phillies Opening Day postponed due to rain, fans disappointed but pitchers relieved”

March 27, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Phillies Opening Day postponed due to rain, fans disappointed but pitchers relieved” So, it looks like Mother Nature is playing a little game of hide and seek with the Philadelphia Phillies this year. Just when fans were ready to break out their peanuts and Cracker Jacks for Opening Day, a pesky little rain cloud decided…

Sports News

“Blind Ambition: Don’t Lose Your Vision to the Solar Eclipse Hype”

March 27, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Blind Ambition: Don’t Lose Your Vision to the Solar Eclipse Hype” So, apparently staring directly at the sun during the upcoming total solar eclipse could lead to permanent eye damage. Who would have thought, right? I mean, who needs eyesight anyway? It’s overrated. According to these brilliant scientists, looking at the sun without proper eye…

Science News

“Oatzempic Trend on TikTok: Sowing Wild Oats or Just Sowing Confusion?”

March 27, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Oatzempic Trend on TikTok: Sowing Wild Oats or Just Sowing Confusion?” So, apparently, the latest craze on TikTok involves people chugging a concoction of oatmeal water and lime juice in a desperate attempt to shed some pounds. Yes, you heard that right. Forget about hitting the gym or eating a balanced diet – just mix…

Health News

“Trump’s Trampoline Presidency: Mulvaney’s Bond Bounce Back Baffles Believers”

March 27, 2024March 29, 2024 Editor-In-Chief

“Trump’s Trampoline Presidency: Mulvaney’s Bond Bounce Back Baffles Believers” So, apparently former White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney has compared Donald Trump to a trampoline. Yes, you heard that right – a trampoline. I guess that means Trump has a way of bouncing back from his legal troubles like a kid at a birthday…

US News